And The Winner Is...
Wow! Thanks to everyone who suggested great ideas for our Team Coco Contest Contest this past week! Hardy and I went through all the comments, and while there were some super creative ones ("design a cover for a fake Conan autobiography") to great suggestions that made us laugh ("post a picture of an animal that looks most like a Team Coco member" or "who has the highest hair"), in the end, we wanted to make sure that it was a contest where A.) people could be creative and funny, and yet B.) still be a contest where everyone had an equal chance of winning:
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Had to see a men’s doctor today. Why? Let’s just say "Newt is no longer surging in the polls."
"Someone please tell this guy that the Colts didn't make the #Superbowl this year. But do it gently." - @BigBley http://t.co/mHuUabVa
"Making new friends at the Playboy #Superbowl party. PS - I'm the guy in the gold chains." - @BigBley http://t.co/SF2aGsep
Walking in to this Playboy "Leather & Lace" #Superbowl party... I think this person "checked" the wrong thing: http://t.co/UHnTYT2S
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809 Comments
ZEKE!
yay Zeke! Don't lie, Bley, she bribed you with more cookies!
Yay Zeke! Awesome choice, Bley!
hahahahhaaha
"This is our contest winner's Tweet."
Wait, what am I suppose to do? I'm confused.
"I wonder if I could lose my virginity if I had dark hair..."
"Not eating Taco Bell because it's not real Mexican food is like saying no to a prosthetic limb."
Master plan: 7 months into the new show, I'll give Lopez the boot and take his time slot. Then he'll leave TBS and get a 10:30 show at NBC.
We know she brided him. It's those damn cookies.
I think Zeke bribed you, I still think is a great and confusing contest.
Corrected:<br />
In an effort to vent arguments, I've told my wife that I will only talk to her through our Xbox headsets while playing Call of Duty.
In an effort to vent arguments, I've told my wife that I will only talk to her while wearing Xbox headsets and playing Call of Duty.
oh haha. i think i get it now.<br />
<br />
but wait a minute! zeke is zellers is zeke?? who made you the cookies?! OMG the way to a man's heart really IS through his stomach! Cronyism! FTW hahahaha...!<br />
<br />
okay. thinking of a tweet joke tweet...be back laters...
congrats to zellers but I don't understand the mission to be completed Kimosabe...
PLEASE EXPLAIN.
thanks.
Cobblers seem far too scarce in today's society. In order to help them out, I'm producing a broadway production..."COBBLIN': THE MUSICAL!"
"When I'm at a lost as to what to say in a situation, I say the first thing that comes to mind.....narwhal nipples."
No more suit & tie on my new show. I'll be borrowing from Miley Cyrus' wardrobe to connect with my younger "hip" audience. Check it, homies!
"One more month, and I can finally start my dream job: co-hosting 'The View'"
Ok, here we go:
The new set is coming along pretty well. Only problem is that we can't seem to get all these old Warner Bros. props from not reappearing.
I think Jon Stewart is trying to tell me something right now, but my beard is distracting me from figuring it out.
Dancing With The Stars still want me to do their next season. Only problem is that they can't handle my type of dance moves.
I didn't forget about the people in Fargo, ND and them wanting me on their radio station...Oh wait, it's North Dakota, so I did forget.
I missed out on Comic-Con this year, but I'm going to Dragon-Con in ATL. Look for the very tall, pale, and redheaded Joker at Booth 12.
September is coming soon. Look for my first TV appearance on the Steve Wilkos show. I get to find out if I'm the father or not.
"TBS told me to cut some extraneous costs so I'm now relying on cheap laborers for help. Who wants to write my next Tweet?"
My hair was in a state of disrepair today. Must remember to contact "Fraggle Rock's" Doozers to fix it.
Today looks like a great day for a walk in the park. Let me just put on my bulletproof vest...
Congrats, Zeke!!
Now I've gotta go think of something witty...
According to Card Sharks, 82 of 100 girls said they laughed at guys who asked them out. Nice job fellas! ALL of those opening jokes landed!
"There is no plural for for the word "platypus" because they are very solitary creatures. That makes two of us not getting laid tonight."
My attempt:
"I've officially altered the TBS acronym from "Turner Broadcasting System" to "Tan, Buff and Sexy". Only my 3rd pass at Ted Turner this week"
How I will rescue my network career: Invent a time machine, go back to April 13, 1993, and call a construction crew to fix my awful makeup.
I feel like more of a sellout writing this fake tweet than I did when I worked as the head bodyguard for a Michael Jackson impersonator.
Today's agenda: Watch "ALF"...think of things to add to agenda.
I have four suggestions all regarding one current event. I'll just do the one comment because I'm an environmentalist.
"Jon Stewart has copied off of me by growing a beard. He's trying to prove he has testosterone, but you can smell the glue through the TV."
"Jon Stewart has followed me in growing a beard. This proves my place as the nation's top fashion trendsetter."
"Jon Stewart has copied off of me by growing a beard. At least I look like Lincoln and not Grant."
If Dan Quayle had a garage sale, I would definitely browse around. But I don't think I would buy anything...
"Wait...who is Sarah Killen?"
I retweeted. Brilliant. Thanks.
This quote always inspires me: "Lie La Lie, Lie La LaLa Lie La Lie; Lie La Lie, Lie La LaLa Lie La Lie, LaLaLaLa Lie." --Simon and Garfunkel
#2
"4 Scores and 7 Years ago, President Warren G. Harding died in office, that's a lot of dead President reference redundancy for one tweet"
Being swept off your feet is slightly less romantic if you have severe motion sickness.
I picked up a copy of "Russian Roulette for Dummies," but after a few pages it just stopped with like 70 blank pages left.
"I heard Glee is a very successful show. Get ready for my new show in November. Lots of musical numbers and fabulousness and costumes."
Just over 3 months until the start of my new show. Or, as I'm counting, a week to complete each of the twelve steps.
In Seoul, Twitter aided in the prevention of a suicide. Sources say the woman calmed down once Amanda Bynes tweeted her unretirement.
Jon Stewart has recently appeared on the Daily Show with a beard. Or maybe it's the Colonel in a new KFC commercial, I can't tell.
Japanese game maker Capcom announced they're outsourcing more work to North America & Europe. That's as backwards as me outsourcing tweets.
Slight change of plans: I'll be starring in a nightly hair-restoration infomercial at 11:00 on TBS. I'll be playing "the after shot."
If my dog could speak he'd say thank god for tbs I'm tired of chasing him around the house...naked
Got some more:
I'm looking at getting a part-time job until my new show starts in November. Look for me modeling at Frederick's of Hollywood soon.
I'm looking at taking the family on vacation soon. Where are the most boring places for kids located in America?
TBS just told me that I can't have a big band on the new show. Sorry La Bamba, but you've got to go. And don't stalk me please.
You know, I miss living in New York City. I really miss the lack of sunshine because LA is burning my hide. Tub of Aloe Vera, here I come.
You know that wax version of me Madame Tussauds has? Well, that's really me, I just have lock jaw and can't move.
Alright, that's all I have for tonight! I'll be thinking of some more for sure though! I forgot to get Conan's autograph when I saw him in Minneapolis, so I SO, SO want one of those posters!
Just found out Chevy Chase's real name is Cornelius & not Chevrolet like I had hoped. Damn you Wikipedia, ruiner of all blissful ignorance!
"My mom thinks I´m the golden child. Being unemployed makes me special. Take that Luke and your successful lawyering job."
Congrats to Zeke!
"This tweet was written by a delusional fan who I hope to one day meet, invite to my show, & will now follow on Twitter."
"My kids keep asking me when my new show starts.I have the feeling that my daughter is not happy with me dressing her dolls."
Insert witty yet relevant comment intended to extend my influence over your lives and help me build an army of dedicated minions here.
"Announcement: I need to pee."
Ever notice how a lower case q looks like it has a hunch back? That's why I say my alphabet abcdefghijklmnop IGOR rstuvwxyz.