Cosmo, Men's Health and Maxim are chock full of expert erotic advice and steamy bedroom tips. Now Team Coco is hopping on that bandwagon - except our "experts" are a gazillion times more informed than theirs.
- Lightly run your fingers over your partner's back and seductively trace the words "I Know You're A Werewolf."
- Introduce new toys into the bedroom, starting with Christmas lights tangled in a whisk.
- Give your partner a sensual back massage. While they relax, open the little door on the back of their head and quietly climb in.
- Know that nothing is sexier than a role-playing scenario, like Bad Cop/Good Dolphin, or French Maid Wearing Trash Bags, or Two Large Glasses Of Orange
Juice.
- Seductively crawl towards your partner on all fours while braying like a goat. At the last minute, weep uncontrollably.
- Four words: ghost threesome.
- Whisper secrets to your partner's genital organs. Softly say things like "I can get you off this spaceship."
- Fill the crawlspace with rose petals and spiders.
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Forget missionary position. Try "The Screaming Two-Headed Crab With Eight Legs."
- Heat up cold, libido-killing sheets with a flaming Wicker Man.
- When your partner leans in for a kiss, wrap your lips seductively around his or her lips, and then suck out the lies.
- Tickle your partner's erogenous zones with a garden rake.
- Wear tinfoil underwear as a sexy way to keep the government from controlling your groin parts.
- While making love, be sure to maintain eye contact with the clocks.
- Surprise your partner when they get home by stripping down to your subdermal musculature and flapping your arms like a majestic
pterodactyl.