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Conan Tweets: "In Hawaii, a woman got away from a 12 foot tiger shark by punching it in the mouth. She was immediately escorted from the aquarium."
Follow Conan @ConanOBrien
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Conan Tweets: "In Hawaii, a woman got away from a 12 foot tiger shark by punching it in the mouth. She was immediately escorted from the aquarium."
Follow Conan @ConanOBrien
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Andy Tweets: "I would like to publicly state my support for Some Sex Marriage."
Follow Andy @Andy_Richter
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Josh Comers Tweets: "Romney didn't even prepare a concession speech? I've got, like, 7 suicide notes written, just in case."
Follow CONAN writer Josh Comers @joshcomers
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Andrés du Bouchet Tweets: "Being in Vegas with people who don't drink is like being at a baseball game with people who don't acknowledge the existence of spheres."
Follow CONAN writer Andrés du Bouchet @dubouchet
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Michael Gordon Tweets: "I'm gonna stick to my guns." - NRA President David Keene, after falling in some glue."
Follow CONAN writer Michael Gordon @betelmoose"
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Rob Kutner Tweets: "Big Bird just got his girlfriend an abortion."
Follow CONAN writer Rob Kutner @ApocalypseHow
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Laurie Kilmartin Tweets: "Romney keeps winning states he would never own a home in."
Follow CONAN writer Laurie Kilmartin @anylaurie16
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Dan Cronin Tweets: "I could win the Presidential election on this tagline alone: "Great Towels for Every American."
Follow CONAN writer Dan Cronin @croninwhocares
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Todd Levin Tweets: "RT if you plan to spend most of old age angrily gesturing a shaky finger toward a plate of microwaved yams."
Follow CONAN writer Todd Levin @toddlevin
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Brian Kiley Tweets: "My uncle was an Elvis impersonator. He didn't sing like him or look like him but he did die on the toilet."
Follow CONAN writer Brian Kiley @kileynoodles
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