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Conan's Facebook Liveblog Recap!

Conan - FB Liveblog 5

Conan went on Facebook to liveblog Tuesday's show. He threw out some jokes, took some pictures, and even answered fan questions! Here's what went down! Hope you liked it!

11:00 - Tonight’s episode title is based on a true story. - Conan
11:00 - My Pre-show ritual: Sip some water, clear my throat, adjust “the boys” and walk out. - Conan
11:01 - I just tore my crotch with that jump. - Conan
11:02 - Any excuse to touch another man - Conan
11:03 - My apologies to any real giants out there for my bigotry - Conan
11:03 - I am a dancing chimp. - Conan
11:04 - Finally, someone brave enough to make a Charlie Sheen joke. - Conan
11:04 - That shot of Andy was unnecessary. - Conan
11:05 - Finally, someone with the courage to make a marijuana joke. - Conan
11:06 - Finally, someone with the courage to go after Communist China. - Conan
11:06 - That dog track joke was 65% autobiographical - Conan
11:07 - Finally, someone with the courage to go after the Jersey Shore cast. - Conan
11:07 - I hate myself for that joke - Conan
11:07 - Giant just gave a “thumbs up” to an anal joke. No comment. - Conan
11:08 - Suck on those special effects, Industrial Light &​ Magic! - Conan
11:09 - Just so you know, I clear all my Kirstie Alley jokes with Kirstie first. It’s a professional courtesy. - Conan
11:09 - I’m very concerned about this baby’s penis - Conan
11:10 - I'm very concerned about Andy's penis. - Conan
11:10 - I didn't see a wire pulling a dummy. Did you? - Conan
11:10 - That Andy dummy looks fake, but not as fake as the real Andy. - Conan
11:11 - BTW, that bottle is really a mixture of gin, vermouth and breast milk. It came out of a weird lady. - Conan
11:11 - Between you and me, I have not been thinking about this. - Conan
11:12 - Larry wandered into our rafters and we were forced to do this bit. - Conan
11:13 - Why does Andy have a solid silver phone? - Conan
11:14 - Live-blogging. That sounds like a real pain in the ass. - Conan
11:15 - Larry's red bracelet indicates he's a communist. = Conan

Conan - FB Liveblog 1

11:15 - I am mesmerized by Facebook. - Conan

11:16 - Why, I love the product that is being advertised right now! I utilize it almost every day! - Conan
11:17 - Hey, this is a s***load of ads! How come I'm not seeing any of this coin? - Conan
11:18 - What seemed to you like a 2 minute commercial break – was actually 3 hours long. Getting Larry King down from those rafters was like getting a frightened cat out of a tree - Conan
11:19 - Larry had to leave at the commercial break to get married again. - Conan
11:19 - That’s not really an Andy dummy, but a dummy of “Eric Stoltz receiving terrible news.” - Conan
11:20 - This guy reminds me of Cameron from "Ferris Bueller" (by the way, Ferris Bueller was a movie from the 80's) - Conan
11:20 - Quick office poll shows that 85% of my female staffers would prefer that Thor host the show. - Conan
11:21 - FUN FACT: That was NOT actually the Norse god Thor in that clip! We hired an actor! - Conan
11:21 - FUN FACT: The actor’s name was Thor! - Conan
11:22 - People still say “chump meat,” right? According to my 1918 slang dictionary, it’s all the rage! – Conan
11:22 - West Coast viewers, according to this ad you are missing out on some incredible savings at Irondequoit Chevrolet in Rochester, NY. - Conan

Conan - FB Liveblog 2

11:23 - Enjoy this unflattering photo of me with a flat screen television. - Conan

11:23 - Just saw an ad for "Scream 4" - I hear it's an amazing prequel to "Scream 5" - Conan
11:24 - Scoring those baskets was done with $8 million in CGI - Conan
11:25 - I love Tracy Morgan. If I could donate points from my Drivers License to him I would. - Conan
11:26 - Why is Tracy wearing a fisherman's shrimp net as a shirt? - Conan
11:26 - Andy laughing through tears. - Conan
11:26 - Didn’t think I was going to see nipple tonight. Or any night. - Conan
11:26 - “I’m lactating!” He should be careful. Charlie Sheen just trademarked that phrase, too. - Conan
11:27 - Tracy Morgan is only the 5th guest to ever come on my show and shout about lactating. The last one was Madeline Albright. - Conan
11:28 - I'm so glad I loaned Tracy my necklace before the show. It looks better on me, though. - Conan
11:29 - A bike messenger? I would not trust Tracy with my package. - Conan
11:29 - I think he just said "Conan Powell" - Conan
11:30 - Colin Powell drove a white van??? WTF? - Conan
11:31 - I really didn’t need to be here for this interview at all. I could've been in the rafters with Larry. - Conan
11:31 - Right now Tracy and I are talking about a viable US exit strategy in Libya. - Conan
11:31 - Tracy believes Nato air strikes are ineffective without ground support. - Conan
11:32 - Someone ask me questions. Go! - Conan

11:32 - 11:34 - Conan Answers Questions!

11:35 - I don’t think he’s talking about the movie anymore - Conan
11:36 - I just realized the red microphone is a mistake. It looks like a dog's erection. - Conan
11:36 - He’s totally stealing Madeline Albright’s act. Word for word. - Conan
11:36 - I just the Peabody Award for an 18th straight year. - Conan
11:37 - And…here! I always like to pinpoint the exact moment when I’ve lost control of my show. - Conan
11:37 - Now I'm desperately trying to keep this thing on track. - Conan
11:37 - Here, you can see me pretending I don’t know what “Two Girls, One Cup” is. I have a private screening every night. - Conan
11:38 - Lactating men, female flatulence, and 2 Girls and a Cup: Eat your heart out, Charlie Rose. – Conan
11:38 - Why did he have to mention those guys? - Conan
11:39 - Tracy's pointing at himself in the monitor. - Conan
11:39 - That this show is even airing tonight means I have less power at this network than I’d imagined. - Conan
11:40 - In all honesty? Tracy’s interview was 100% scripted. Thank you Doris Kearns Goodwin. - Conan

11:40 -11:43 - Conan Answers Questions: Part 2

11:44 - FUN FACT: You could fit exactly 4.3 Charlyne Yis inside me. - Conan
11:45 - Intentionally tell bad jokes? She stole my act! - Conan
11:46 - Between you and me, this clip is fake. - Conan
11:47 - How many times have I dreamed of cradling Jon Hamm’s dying head in my arms? Oh God. - Conan
11:47 - Jon Hamm barely got this part. I also read for "Handsome Guy on Floor." - Conan
11:48 - Those aren't tears; that's Larry's perspiration dropping from the ceiling. - Conan
11:49 - This story makes me sad. - Conan
11:50 - My 5 year old son told me this joke yesterday. He too had been dumped by his boyfriend. - Conan
11:51 - That's not a harmonica, that's her nightguard. - Conan
11:51 - Ladies and gentlemen, the next Alicia Keyes. - Conan
11:51 - That the third time today a girl has said "dark hole" to me. And the first time I didn't have to pay for it. - Conan
11:52 - Did anyone else notice that she covered her hand with her sweater to shake MY hand, but uncovered it to shake Andy’s? - Conan
11:52 - One of my tech people is yelling at me because I want to go urinate. Can't you urinate on the internet? - Conan
11:53 - Shhhhh! I'm peeing right now. Wifi works in the bathroom. Is it weird that I'm sitting down? - Conan
11:54 - Custodian wondering why I'm holding a laptop in the bathroom. Maybe this quarter will make him forget he saw me. - Conan

Conan - FB Liveblog 3

11:54 - I hope Apple pays me for this photograph. - Conan

11:55 - I did not loosen my tie. My throat constricts during this part of the show. - Conan
11:55 - BAND TRIVIA: Before they were Infantree , they were Fetusbush - Conan
11:56 - I can't believe they're playing my ringtone on TV. - Conan
11:56 - That lead singer’s hair… Soft dark curls, so delicate in my fingers. - Conan
11:57 - Oh crap, did I hit send? HOW DO I UNPOST? HELP!! - Conan

Conan - FB Liveblog 4

11:57 - Bromance is in the air. - Conan

11:57 - Any band that brings a Persian rug is allowed to perform on CONAN. - Conan
11:58 - Can someone tell my why the drummer is so far away from the rest of the band? He is clearly hated. - Conan
11:58 - I saw the bass player’s wardrobe coordinator cutting the hole in his jeans just before the show - Conan
11:59 - I loved the band, but they looked like extras from an iCarly episode - Conan
11:59 - It looks like I’m asking Infantree about music, but we’re actually discussing Tracy’s views on Libya. - Conan
12:00 - We don’t run credits because I do everything myself. - Conan

12:03 - Conan Says Goodnight!