All of Hollywood is on pins and needles wondering who'll win big at this year's Academy Awards. [UPDATE: Next Week's Spoilers: The Academy Awards are now complete. Thanks for all of your positively clairvoyant predictions!]
- The Academy Award for Best Picture will go to the one about the extremely attractive intelligence agent who helps pull off a secret mission in the Middle East.
- Even though she wasn't even nominated, Meryl Streep wins three Oscars, including Best Supporting Actress, Best Screenplay, and Best Sound Editing.
- Daniel Day-Lewis, still in character as Lincoln, will spend his entire acceptance speech marveling at "indoor suns" and "devices which capture one's image and its soul."
- Tommy Lee Jones tries to smile after he wins Best Supporting Actor, but his cheeks shatter. - David Mello
- A furious Ang Lee releases tiger from "Life of Pi" to maul Ben Affleck during his acceptance speech. - @JonasPolsky
- All the previous James Bonds will have a rap battle to determine the number one Bond of all time. - @MiloNJacksUncle
- 85 year old Emmanuelle Riva wins Best Actress, and does 85 one-armed pushups. - Steve Moisan
- This year, to keep the speeches short, instead of the usual orchestra, they'll make Russell Crowe sing after 45 seconds. - Vicky Roy
- Quvenzhané Wallis wins Oscar, thanks her hamster and seventeen Barbie dolls. - @Saucydragonfly
- Helen Mirren streaks behind Daniel Day-Lewis accepting Best Actor. - @taradublinrocks