1. Next Week's Spoilers: The Academy Awards

Next Week's Spoilers: The Academy Awards

Dixon Gaines
All of Hollywood is on pins and needles wondering who'll win big at this year's Academy Awards. Help us ruin any semblance of surprise by leaving your amazingly psychic Oscar spoilers in the comments or tweet them @TeamCoco with the hashtag #CocoOscarSpoilers.

[UPDATE: Next Week's Spoilers: The Academy Awards are now complete. Thanks for all of your positively clairvoyant predictions!]
Next Week's Spoilers: The Academy Awards
  1. The Academy Award for Best Picture will go to the one about the extremely attractive intelligence agent who helps pull off a secret mission in the Middle East.
  2. Even though she wasn't even nominated, Meryl Streep wins three Oscars, including Best Supporting Actress, Best Screenplay, and Best Sound Editing.
  3. Daniel Day-Lewis, still in character as Lincoln, will spend his entire acceptance speech marveling at "indoor suns" and "devices which capture one's image and its soul."
  4. Tommy Lee Jones tries to smile after he wins Best Supporting Actor, but his cheeks shatter. - David Mello
  5. A furious Ang Lee releases tiger from "Life of Pi" to maul Ben Affleck during his acceptance speech. - @JonasPolsky
  6. All the previous James Bonds will have a rap battle to determine the number one Bond of all time. - @MiloNJacksUncle‬
  7. 85 year old Emmanuelle Riva wins Best Actress, and does 85 one-armed pushups. - Steve Moisan
  8. This year, to keep the speeches short, instead of the usual orchestra, they'll make Russell Crowe sing after 45 seconds. - Vicky Roy
  9. Quvenzhané Wallis wins Oscar, thanks her hamster and seventeen Barbie dolls. - ‏‪@Saucydragonfly‬
  10. Helen Mirren streaks behind Daniel Day-Lewis accepting Best Actor. - ‏‪@taradublinrocks‬