Next Week's Spoilers: "Celebrity Hunger Games"

CAUTION: The Next Seven Days Revealed & Ruined

Here’s what you can expect for the week of April 16th – 20th, 2012

• A television executive will watch “The Hunger Games” and immediately think “Celebrity Hunger Games!"
• The new issue of DC Comic’s "Justice League" will feature a little more league than justice.
• After North Korea’s long-range rocket failed to launch, glorious leader Kim Jong-un will save face by throwing bootleg DVDs of Matthew McConaughey's 2006 romantic comedy "Failure To Launch" to his adoring masses.
• During a date, you will confuse first and second base.
• 4/20 will be eagerly anticipated by Frito-Lay shareholders.
• You will spend your tax refund to pay off your credit card.
• In an effort to connect with middle class NASCAR dads, Mitt Romney will go on national television and change the oil in his Rolls Royce Silver Phantom Coupé.
• Tim Tebow’s Virginity: 1. New York’s Nightlife: 0.
• Mel Gibson will say something mildly offensive, then apologize and correct himself by saying something outrageously offensive.
• You will love the ending of "Mass Effect 3", but bitterly complain about it anyway.
• The world will squeal in terror when it's revealed that the horrific new Aliens in Ridley Scott's upcoming sci-fi flick "Prometheus" are actually just the cast of "Jersey Shore".
• Myspace will drunk-text Facebook.
• The angry Yelp review in which you tear that Walgreens cashier a new one will not change a thing.
• Arizona legislators one-up themselves by changing the state’s name to “Arizany.”
• Taco Bell will capitalize on the monster success of their Doritos Taco by partnering up with the American Diabetes Association to offer "Insulin Con Carne"!
• Lady Gaga will release her first greatest hits album, entitled "Madonna's Greatest Hits Vol. 1"

Image: "The Hunger Games"