1. NEXT WEEK'S SPOILERS: You might not want to eat all those Cadbury Creme Eggs.

NEXT WEEK'S SPOILERS: You might not want to eat all those Cadbury Creme Eggs.

John DeVore
CAUTION: The Next Seven Days Revealed & Ruined

Here’s what you can expect for the week of April 8th – 14th, 2012
  • You will vomit Cadbury Creme Eggs.
  • Rick Santorum will plunge in the Pennsylvania presidential primary polls after referring to Philadelphia as The City Of Heterosexual, Non-Incestuous Familial Relations.
  • You will kick off your new annual tradition of permanently procrastinating on filing your income taxes, setting in motion a chain of events that ends in your eventual imprisonment.
  • A Barack Obama supporter will see the President's face in her quinoa salad.
  • The next plot twist on “Mad Men” will be a metaphor for our complicated modern times.
  • You will see “American Reunion” and love it. Years later, you will see “American Roth IRA” and love that, too.
  • Former Current TV-host Keith Olbermann will threaten to sue his pants.
  • The question “Who dat say dey gonna beat dem Saints?” will be answered. The coaching staff.
  • Not to be outdone by Google, Bing will release their own line of augmented reality glasses, the Microsoft View-Master-Duct-Taped to Your Face.
  • Mitt Romney will celebrate being the presumptive Republican Presidential nomination with an illicit sip of caffeinated Diet Coke.
  • Your mom will be the only person who “likes” your latest Status Update.
  • Kanye West And Kim Kardashian will melt in the sun.
  • A 60 year-old creationist will question his intelligently designed lower back.
  • You will pretend to care about baseball.