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The Terrible 20: "We The People" Petitions

The official White House website allows American citizens to start online petitions. So far, there are petitions to build a Death Star, deport CNN host Piers Morgan, and allow Texas to secede. Help us finish this list of moronic petitions lacking any social value by leaving your suggestions in the comments or tweeting them @TeamCoco with the hashtag #TerriblePetitions.

[UPDATE: The polls have closed and "We The People" Petitions is now complete. Thanks to everyone who participated in democracy in action.]
  1. Executive Order: Everyone Named Gary Is Now Named Steve. NO TAKEBACKS.
  2. Legalize Marijuana, But Criminalize Doritos Munchies Mix
  3. Henceforth, The Vice President Shall Preside Over The Senate Shirtless
  4. Secretary of Podcasts Is Raised To A Cabinet Level Position
  5. Make It Illegal To Own A Hot Tub If Single & Hairy
  6. Replace "In God We Trust" with "YOLO" on all currency.Max Heyworth
  7. From now on, the President must communicate using only "Memes."Dillon Spears
  8. Make sure no dogs go to heaven.Anthony Nicholas
  9. During debates, Presidential candidates can only communicate via sign-language literate apes.Don Smith
  10. Conduct all presidential speeches from the Iron Throne.William J Hammon
  11. Everybody must like pudding.Deena Nyer Mendlowitz
  12. Make New Jersey's state bird the middle finger.Avi Wilk
  13. No fatties.Rick Barry
  14. No more using twitter hashtags in Facebook posts, seriously.David Capito
  15. All citizens are required to be in a ready karate stance regardless of where they are.@DanSell
  16. Cats with human names required to wear bow ties.@RichardBrunette
  17. Instead of winning elections congressional candidates must participate in the Hunger Games.@Anthematics
  18. All dogs must be made of other, smaller dogs.Eissa Ahmad
  19. Effective immediately, The Floor Is Lava.@AskMikeHopkins
  20. More Mikes, fewer Ikes.@NickBrommer