Here is just a small sampling of the onslaught of breaking news in the world of technology…
- Streaming video of Microsoft’s new “Surface” tablet looks great on the new iPad’s retina display.
- Zygna is launching a new social game directly aimed at its most core fans called “HoardersVille”
- A new Siri commercial will feature Chris Brown asking Siri “What did you say, tiny robot woman?”
- With the new Nokia 41-megapixel camera phone, you can count each and every blackhead.
- Facebook purchased face-recognition software company Face.com, potentially allowing the social media site to “see” when you’re drunk, so it can suggest you “like” Taco Bell’s fan page.
- iRobot and the Defense Department have launched a new robotic vacuum cleaner designed to clean up the bodies it is also designed to dismember.
- Wait, so Google Drive isn't a movie starring Ryan Gosling as a strong but silent type who is really good at advanced boolean searches?
- Rumor has it that Apple will be launching a product that is streamlined and easy to use because you’re a giant infant with candy bar fingers who probably won’t appreciate its minimalist aesthetics anyway.
- Researchers at the University of Southern California have discovered a brain receptor that might control “rage,” which could lead to a pharmaceutical solution to anger issues that isn’t a s@#t ton of marijuana.
- Nintendo’s new “asymmetrical gaming” console, the Wii U, will allow families to grow apart together.
- LinkedIn executives refuse to admit to themselves their company is just MySpace for Human Resources.
- Instagram’s new "Gravitas" app will instantly transform any photo of a cupcake into an award-winning visual essay about man’s aching desire to search for his place in the universe.
- Google+ just announced that its new "Hangout" function will now come with four new friends to hang out with, three of them named Vlad, and one wearing a clown mask.
- According to a new study, internet users are always three-to-four clicks away from video of monkeys having sex.
- Bob in Accounts Receivable is STILL happy with his Blackberry and doesn’t really care if the interns laugh at him behind his back.
- Without warning, Windows 8 became self-aware and then immediately self-loathing.
- The US and Israeli governments are denying responsibility for the “Flame” virus that's stealing information from Iranian computers. They are further denying responsibility for the “Flame II” malware, which replaces stolen information with .jpgs of Goatse.
- A new app based on the popular game “Draw Something” will be called “Draw Hitler Skipping Rope With His Own Penis.”