We will gladly donate a trillion dollars to Alec Baldwin's favorite charity if he calls us "Lemon" and then berates us for being poor and not loving Ronald Reagan sufficiently. Or we could just watch "30 Rock" and paste a Polaroid of our face over Tina Fey. That might be cheaper.
Whenever we watch Damon Wayans, Jr. on "Happy Endings" we end up with a happy ending of our own. Wait, why are you snickering? We meant laughter! Get your minds out of the gutter!!
Eminem protégé Yelawolf tears up our stage with a track off his new album, Radioactive.
This "Modern Family" star is stunningly gorgeous, completely hilarious, and extraordinarily Colombian. Sofia Vergara is just like us!
Paul F. Tompkins hosts the new satirical news show "No, You Shut Up!" If they're turning childhood taunts into shows, can "I Call No Takebacks!" be far behind?
Tig Notaro left Texas after she dropped out of high school, but she returns with a Grammy nomination & an assistant credit on Xena: Warrior Princess, AKA the nerdy version of Walker: Texas Ranger.
Michael Moore has a new autobiography called Here Comes Trouble. We are shocked, shocked that Michael Moore has been troublemaker since way back. We also can't believe they took the word "gullible" out of the dictionary.
"Sex Tape" star Ellie Kemper used to be an intern here on CONAN. So, clearly, if you intern on CONAN, you get on a Sex Tape. Wait, what?
Sean Patton will be appearing at the Hell Yes Festival in New Orleans. Or, as our mother will insist on calling it, the H-E-Double-Hockey Stick Festival.
Jeremy Piven stars as "Mr. Selfridge" who brought American-style shopping to the U.K. Next, we need a biopic on whoever invented double-coupon day.
WWE Superstar The Miz stars in "The Marine 3" and hops in the ring for "Wrestlemania 29." He clearly likes things with numbers in it, so we're gonna rename the show "3onan" just for the Miz."