1. US Citizenship Test: Mayor McCheese Edition

US Citizenship Test: Mayor McCheese Edition

Conan is 100% All-American and this legally-binding questionnaire proves it.

Transcript:

CONAN: Immigration reform is a hot topic in the news again and some politicians are actually saying Americans shouldn't be allowed to vote unless they can pass the same naturalization test that immigrants need to pass in order to become citizens.
It's very controversial.
I've said this before.
I'm going to say it again, I personally think it's a great idea.
I think it would be very good for the country and to prove it I'm going to once again be the only late night talk show host to take the U.S. citizenship test with help from my pal andy.
I want to do this.
ANDY: We've done this before and this is a particularly tough batch of questions.
CONAN: I'm not scared.
Let's do it.
Put your glasses on, grandma.
Ben Franklin.
ANDY: What do we call the first 10 amendments to the constitution?
CONAN: The bill of rights.
ANDY: If both the president and vice president can no longer serve, who becomes is the?
CONAN: The speaker of the house.
ANDY: Name three U.S. mayors?
CONAN: Vieira, ver goesa and McCheese.
ANDY: What to -- do the red stripes on the flag represent?
CONAN: Bacon strips.
Offensive in which American institution can you find Mickey mouse and buzz light year?
CONAN: The George W. bush presidential library.
ANDY: What's the most endangered species in America?
CHRIS: the non-obese Mississipian.
ANDY: Merge three presidential names to make one porn name.
CONAN: Jackson van Johnson.
ANDY: What's the most popular drink in Connecticut?
CONAN: The repressed Caucasian.
ANDY: Recreational use of marijuana is legal in?
CONAN: Washington state, Colorado, and your dressing room.
Offensive if a Supreme Court justice marries Darth Vader and opened a potato based party on the side, it would be called --
CONAN: Ruth Vader tater's all tater catering.
ANDY: Complete the phrase.
Fill in the CONAN: Blank.
ANDY: True or --
CONAN: False.
ANDY: I'm going to name an American novelist.
You tell me his nickname for his own penis.
Herman Melville.
CONAN: The white whale.
ANDY: F. Scott Fitzgerald.
CONAN: The great Gatsby.
ANDY: John Grisham.
CONAN: The firm.
ANDY: Biggie, biggie, biggie, can't you see --
CONAN: Sometime your words just hypnotize me.
ANDY: In the time we've spent taking this test, there have been --
CONAN: 14 itune software updates, 41 NFL player arrests and four new "fast and furious" movies.
ANDY: Summarize the new centralty act of 1794.
CONAN: It made it illegal for foreign war vessels to be in American waters and forbad the United States to declare war againstny nation.
Against the territory demon yons of any foreign prince, the person would be guilty of a misdemeanor.
ANDY: Wow.
[applause]
And finally, where's the party and who's invited?
CONAN: In my pants and everyone.
[applause]
ANDY: All right.
CONAN: We did it!
ANDY: You did it.