Clueless Gamer: Conan Reviews "Call Of Duty: Advanced Warfare"

November 03, 2014

Conan plays the latest "Call of Duty" and encounters his deadliest foe yet: a very busy public street.

TranscriptCONAN: CONAN o'brien here for another clueless gamer. ladies and gentlemen, this is a big one, "call of duty -- advanced warfare." take the phone off the hook. no one does that anymore. they don't have phones like that. that's a stupid thing to say. trying to say this is a big deal. joining me now is my gaming partner, mr. aaron bleyeart. aaron: hello, sir. CONAN: i like your shirt. didn't know you stacked towels at a high-end spa you look really nice. >> thank you. CONAN: where are we now? >> we're now at 2053, advanced warfare. so we'll see a lot of weapons that don't actually exist. one of the exciting things is the exo suit. we get to wear a robot exo-skeleton. there's one problem with the suit, there's no air knit. >> it's starting to sink in. north korea has invaded south korea. CONAN: why are we getting involved? it's not our war. again, why does america always need to jump in? well, good luck south korea. good luck to you. we're going to build bridges in the midwest. >> being shot out of a plane in a pod. CONAN: we're in a pod. oh, our ship just got hit. this is a bad plan. who thought of this plan. >> hit that. hit it a lot, lit it a lot. CONAN: what am i doing? >> yeah. CONAN: whoa! what button gets me out of here? what's the go back home and go to law school button? >> you want to go inside the building there. CONAN: oh, this. >> where it says -- oh my god. CONAN: i forget how to move. >> just press forward. step out of the doorway and shoot him. CONAN: why would i step out into the gunfire? is that a laser from a gun or is someone making a presentation? >> that's -- CONAN: i killed you guys. can i go home now? >> no. walk forward. CONAN: now i start to hear people speaking. i know north korean. can i talk to them? you know what north korean sounds like? south korean with a boston accent. >> double tap a. CONAN: i'd like to double tap that a. >> this is a drone. CONAN: what do i do? >> run up to the truck. hit x, hit x. now shoot at the big drone. CONAN: here it comes, here it comes. aaaahh! aaaaahhhh! oh, yes! that was fantastic! that was the greatest feeling i've ever experienced. and i've watched two of my children be born. oh, god. there's more to do? >> yeah, this is just the first five minutes of the game. CONAN: first five minutes? >> so will iron is your best friend. you're going to give him the charges you picked up. CONAN: here are the charges. >> he's stuck. CONAN: we should leave him. how do i leave him right now? i want to jump. >> it's ok. go on the other side. CONAN: go on the other side? what's he talking about? wait a minute. >> i think i cut my hand off. CONAN: uh-oh, i don't like the way he's looking at me. oh, my arm got cut. get the arm. get the arm. they can just put it on ice. >> it's time to say farewell to private william iron roberts. CONAN: the man has a casket. pull x to pay respects? what does that mean? that's crazy. >> is there a button for i'm here because i thought i might meet somebody, but i didn't care about the guy? you know? pull x to pay respects. should i do it? >> yes. CONAN: here we go. this is a really emotional moment for me. >> you can walk around the funeral if you want. CONAN: i'm too close to this guy. when did you get a notice that i'm too close? [laughter] starting to feel weird. what if i go up to the widow? who's that guy? he works in a beet farm. is the widow going to recognize me? deal with meal. is there a button that says, well, i guess you're single now? this is the creepiest thing i've ever done. >> excuse me, private mitchell. CONAN: my god, kevin spacey. >> he plays jonathan irons, the head of a private military firm. CONAN: a business card. >> you can't beat it. we're on a mission now. they have recruited us and given us a robot arm. CONAN: i have a robot arm now. >> you didn't tell me that. CONAN: there you go. you didn't tell me they were bad. i thought they were our chums. >> no, the prisoners are taking hostage at camp david. CONAN: yeah, yeah! where's the president? look at that milk. >> we need to escape with the president. run to the humvee, run to the humvee. press x. CONAN: oh no. what happened? no! >> no excuse for equipment failure. CONAN: oh, it was a training exercise. >> i knew it was too early. >> those arms mean more to me than this entire facility. CONAN: can't they fix his eyes? if they can give me a new hand, can't they give kevin spacey eyes that actually have life in them? he's one of the greatest actors in the world and then they give him the eyes of a carp that's been in the refrigerator for three days. >> what you're seeing is advanced warfare. CONAN: what you're not seeing is anything. your eyes are dead. >> so we're inside the atlas training facility. go in this room. CONAN: i never would have left my dorm room in college. >> we're going to go do a mission. we're in nigeria. >> gideon, he wants his hat back. CONAN: now we have to get across the street. >> get across the street. CONAN: why are people still going to work in a war zone? you know what they should be using? waze. and it says major battle. they have a lot of mass transit in this city. oh, oh! oh, a bus ran over my head. >> you know what they need? a crosswalk. >> get across the street. CONAN: i'm going across the street. here we go! oh, no! you know what? they don't even slow down when i've been hit. >> get across the street. CONAN: shut up. here i go! >> get across the street. CONAN: stop saying that. i'm going. no! i'm not leaving this room till i get across the street. i'm almost across. oh! >> get across the street. CONAN: shut up, shut up, no! oh, god. this is the hardest thing i've done in my life. oh! >> get across the street. >> how do you run again? >> get across the street. >> yes, yes. CONAN: look at that. there's a bridge that goes across the street. there's a pedestrians crossover. what an idiot. look at that. i'm crossing that street, i'm crossing that street. yes! i'm across the street! "call of duty -- advanced warfare."

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