Clueless Gamer: "Halo 5: Guardians": Team Silicon Valley vs. Team Coco

June 15, 2015

CONAN Highlight: Conan battles Thomas Middleditch, TJ Miller, & Zach Woods in the latest "Halo" installment.

Watch the outtakes & go behind the scenes of the big battle.

TranscriptCONAN: HELLO AND WELCOME TO CLUELESS GAMERS, THE FIRST EVER TEAM MULTIPLAYER EDITION OF CLUELESS GAMER. THAT'S HISTORY, KIDS. TODAY WE'LL BE PLAYING ONE OF THE MOST ANTICIPATED GAMES OF THE YEAR, HALO 5: GUARDIANS FOR THE XBOX ONE. TODAY WE'RE CHALLENGING THREE OF THE STARS OF THE HBO SHOW "SILICON VALLEY." IN JUST A MOMENT, NO WAVING -- IN JUST A MOMENT WE'LL JOIN THEM ON THE BATTLEFIELD BUT FIRST LET'S MEET OUR PLAYERS. ANNOUNCER: TEAM COCO, CONAN O'BRIEN, AARON BLEYAERT, ANDY RICHTER. TEAM "SILICON VALLEY," THOMAS MIDDLEDITCH, T.J. MILLER, ZACK WOODS. CONAN: I BELIEVE TEAM COCO IS WHICH COLOR ARE WE? AARON: RED. CONAN: WE ARE RED AND I AM THE TEAM CAPTAIN FOR TEAM COCO BY UNIVERSAL DECREE AND "SILICON VALLEY" WILL BE BLUE AND YOUR TEAM CAPTAIN, THOMAS RIGHT THERE. THOMAS: THAT'S TRUE. CONAN: HE IS THE TEAM CAPTAIN. ONE OTHER THING, WHICHEVER TEAM ENDS UP LOSING, THEIR SHOW IS CANCELED. TJ: AND IF IT'S A TIE WE ALL GET CANCELLED. CONAN: GENTLEMEN, LET THE MURDER BEGIN. THOMAS: DO WE PRESS THE START? CONAN: I JUST SAID, LET THE MURDER BEGIN, AND SOMEONE SAID, WHICH BUTTON DO WE PUSH? ANNOUNCER: BATTLEFIELD FATHOM A SPARTAN RESEARCH BASE LOCATED DEEP BELOW THE OCEAN PLANET BETA GABRIEL. FIVE MINUTES REMAIN. CONAN: FIVE MINUTES REMAIN. I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S HAPPENING. ANDY: COME ON! THOMAS: I'M A FANCY BOY AND I LIKE LEOTARDS! WHERE IS EVERYBODY? ZACH: THERE WE GO. ANDY: WHY AM I RUNNING BACKWARDS? CONAN: I'M TAKING A WALK THROUGH THIS UNDERWATER ENGINEERING PLANT. AARON: YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO KILL THE OTHER PEOPLE! CONAN: I DON'T SEE ANYBODY! I'M LIKE MY FATHER AT NIGHT LOOKING FOR FIG NEWTONS. WHO JUST KILLED ME? CONAN: WHO WAS THAT? THOMAS: YOUR DEAR OLD FRIEND, TOMMY MIDDLESTEAM. CONAN: I HATE IT HERE! WHAT HAPPENED? ANDY: WOW. THOMAS: SAY GOODBYE TO YOUR SHOW, CONAN. ANDY: I DON'T NEED TO SAY GOODBYE, I GOT MY ETSY PAGE. CONAN: I SPENT PERSONALLY MOST OF THE BATTLE ALONE SHOOTING AT THE PLATE GLASS, TRYING TO LET THE SHARK MONSTER IN. COULD YOU GUYS IN THE NEXT ROUND JUST YELL OUT YOO-HOO WE'RE OVER HERE SO I KNOW WHERE THE FIGHT IS. THOMAS: GOT IT. OVER HERE, YOO-HOO OVER HERE! CONAN: HOW COME YOU DIDN'T DIE? ZACHL CONAN, YOO-HOO! YOO-HOO! ANDY: [BEEP] YOU! YOU IDIOT! [BEEP] [BEEP] CONAN: ANDY, STOP SWEARING! WE ARE AWFUL AT THIS BUT AWFUL IN A WAY THAT'S ALMOST INTRIGUING. THOMAS: LET'S HAVE A LOOK AT THE SCORES. ZACH: YOU MEAN I DID THIS? CONAN: I WAS KILLED SEVERAL TIMES. RAISE YOUR HAND IF YOU KILLED ME. YOU GUYS ALL KILLED ME? TJ: YEAH. CONAN: IS THERE NO SENSE OF SHOW BUSINESS STATUS? I HAVE BEEN ON THE AIR 22 YEARS. WHEN YOU SEE ME PASS, I WOULD THINK A COURTLY BOW AND A 'RIGHT THIS WAY MR. O'BRIEN' TJ: CONAN WE'RE THREE HOLLYWOOD MAVERICKS. CONAN: T.J., WHAT'S YOUR MODIS OPERANDI T.J.: I KILLED YOU TWICE AND FIRST ONE WAS AS SWEET AS THE LAST. CONAN: NOT A LOT OF REMORSE. I SEE NO EMPATHY IN YOUR EYES. I'M A SOCIOPATH, I TOOK THE TEST. CONAN: HAVE YOU KILLED ANDY YET? T.J.: I KILLED ANDY A COUPLE OF TIMES. ONE TIME I KILLED HIM, HE WAS LOOKING AT HIS FEET. THEN I JUST SHOT HIM IN THE GOD DAMN NECK. CONAN: YOU KNOW WHAT THE PROBLEM IS ANDY WENT TO THE SUBTERRANEAN WORLD WITHOUT HIS MEDICATION. ANDY: I KEEP LOOKING FOR THE NURSE'S OFFICE. CONAN: WHAT IS YOUR PLAN HERE? ZACH: MOSTLY JUST TO TAKE A LITTLE ME TIME AND TO FIND A QUIET CORNER IN WHICH TO BE REFLECTIVE BECAUSE THERE'S A LOT OF VIOLENCE HAPPENING BUT WHO'S REMEMBERING IT? CONAN: GENTLEMEN, WE ARE NOW MOVING TO A DIFFERENT WORLD. WE WILL NOW BE ON TOP OF A SKYSCRAPER AND I'D LIKE TO SEE HOW THESE "SILICON VALLEY" GUYS HANDLE A LITTLE ALTITUDE. ANNOUNCER: EMPIRE, A TOWERING SKYSCRAPER IN THE CAPITAL CITY OF ANDEESHIA. T.J.: CONAN, YOU CAN FLIP THE SCRIPT BUT YOU STILL GOT TO READ THE WORDS. LET'S DO THIS! CONAN: I'M NOT SURE I UNDERSTOOD WHAT HE SAID. T.J.: YOU CAN TURN THE TABLES BUT YOUR FEET ARE STILL GONNA BE UNDER IT. ZACH: GUYS I JUST KILLED MYSELF. AARON: ARE WE AHEAD? CONAN: WE'RE AHEAD FINALLY! DESIGNER: A LITTLE TO THE LEFT. ZACH: YOO-HOO! JEEZ. [SCREAMING] T.J.: WHAT DID YOU JUST DO? [SCREAMING] THOMAS: CURSE YOU. CONAN: THAT'S THE WAY THE ONION'S PEELED! LET'S DO ONE WHERE WE DON'T KILL EACH OTHER, WE JUST WALK UP TO EACH OTHER AND TALK. ANDY: OK, LET'S DO IT. CONAN: HEY, THOMAS. T.J.: ANDY, ARE YOU FEELING LEFT OUT? CONAN: OH, HI! THOMAS: WANNA SEE ME SPIN? SPIN AROUND A LITTLE BIT. CONAN: IT WAS AN ACCIDENT! IT WAS AN ACCIDENT! IT WAS AN ACCIDENT! ANDY: OK, OK. THOMAS: T.J.! T.J.: THIS IS NOT HOW WARS START. ANDY: OH, I KILLED HIM! AARON: K WE'RE STILL PLAYING THOUGH. ANDY: ALL I CARE ABOUT IS THAT I TOOK A LIFE! I NEED TO CALL MY MOM. CONAN: GENTLEMEN, WOULD YOU BE WILLING TO PLAY ONE FINAL GAME, WINNER TAKE ALL? THOMAS: YEAH! CONAN: ONE OTHER PROPOSITION. THOMAS, I HAVE $500 IN CASH HERE. I WILL GIVE IT TO YOU IF YOU WILL REPLACE ANDY ON OUR TEAM. THOMAS: 500 CLAMS? CONAN: 500 CASH. WELCOME TO TEAM COCO! THOMAS: YOU'RE OUT! T.J.: ANDY, JUST STAY WHERE YOU ARE AND DON'T LET ANYONE TOUCH YOU. CONAN: TEAM COCO RISES LIKE A PHOENIX FROM THE ASHES. ZACH: I KILLED TOMMY. THOMAS: NO, YOU DIDN'T. ZACH: YES, I DID. TJ: NO YOU KILLED ANDY. ZACH: THIS IS DELIGHTFUL! ANDY: IT'S REALLY FUN TO FAIL ON TWO DIFFERENT TEAMS. AARON: I'M JUST KILLING EVERYBODY. I DON'T CARE. THOMAS: SORRY. CONAN: WHO GOT ME? [SCREAMING] ANNOUNCER: GAME OVER. CONAN: WE DID IT! TEAM COCO! T.J.: THOMAS, WE WANT YOU OUT OF THE HOUSE BY 5:00. CONAN: LET'S BE CHILLINGLY HONEST, WE WERE SOUNDLY BEATEN BY "SILICON VALLEY." GENTLEMEN, YOU PLAYED AS A TEAM BUT I THINK YOU ALL DESERVE TROPHIES. SO HERE WE GO. T.J.: THERE'S ONLY TWO! CONAN: YOU ALL PLAYED PRETTY MUCH EQUALLY WELL. TJ: MINE HAS POM POMS. CONAN: PRETTY MUCH EQUALLY WELL. THERE WAS SOME DISPARITY IN YOUR SKILL SET. T.J.: YOU BETTER BELIEVE IT. CONAN: WE'RE NOT FREEZE FRAMING SO THAT WAS A WASTED EFFORT AND I'M STILL TALKING. NO. JUMP IF YOU LIKE. AND NOPE. I CONTROL THE SHOW. THERE YOU GO. THE GAME IS HALO 5: GUARDIANS AND IT COMES OUT OCTOBER 27. ALRIGHT YOU GUYS HAD THE THRILL OF BEATING US AND YOU WON MASSIVE TROPHIES BUT OUR ONE CONSOLATION IS THAT IT'S MY STUDIO AND I CONTROL THE JUMP AND FREEZE AND MAN, WE'RE GOING TO HAVE TO ONE GREAT SUMMER! [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] YOU CAN SEE THE OTHER VIDEO GAMES I'VE REVIEWED AS WELL AS OTHER HALO OUTTAKES AT TEAMCOCO.COM/CLUELESSGAMER.

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