1. CONAN Monologue 06/19/14

CONAN Monologue 06/19/14

Tags: Monologue
Conan jokes about Jeopardy!, Walmart, Floyd Mayweather, and more...

Transcript:

CONAN: "JEOPARDY!" HOST ALEX TREBEK SET THE GUINNESS WORLD RECORD FOR HOSTING THE MOST EPISODES OF A GAME SHOW EVER.
TREBEK RESPONDED TO THE NEWS BY SAYING, "WHAT IS EAT ME SAJACK?"
HERE'S AN UNFORTUNATE QUOTE, BOXING CHAMP FLOYD MAYWEATHER POSTED ON HIS INSTAGRAM THAT A HALF DRESSED WOMAN IS ASKING TO BE DISRESPECTED.
THIS FROM A GUY WHO WEARS ONLY SHORTS TO WORK.
I THOUGHT THAT WAS INTERESTING.
SERIOUSLY.
WHO IS HE?
NEVER SEEN A SHIRT.
IN FRESNO, CALIFORNIA, A MAN WAS FOUND TO BE RUNNING A METH LAB AT A RETIREMENT COMMUNITY.
OR AS HE WAS KNOWN TO THE RESIDENTS, THE GUY WHO STAYS UP UNTIL 8:00.
SOMETHING'S NOT RIGHT ABOUT THAT GUY!
HE'S UP UNTIL 8:00!
CRAZY!
YOU REMEMBER THE SITUATION, RIGHT?
MIKE "THE SITUATION" SORRENTINO.
OH, YOU DO REMEMBER HIM?
PEOPLE ARE LIKE, OH, AMERICA'S BAD.
MIKE THE SITUATION SORRENTINO WAS ARRESTED FOR GETTING IN A FIGHT WITH HIS BROTHER AT A TANNING SALON.
THAT'S TRUE.
THAT HAPPENED.
THIS MARKS A DISTURBING TREND IN ORANGE ON ORANGE VIOLENCE WHICH CANNOT CONTINUE.
THIS WEEKEND IN OKLAHOMA, AUTHORITIES ARRESTED A MAN FOR MASTURBATING AT A WAL-MART.
THAT'S WHAT I CALL A GREETER WHO'S REALLY GLAD TO SEE YOU.
THAT WAS HORRIFYING AND I APOLOGIZE.
TO ALL OF YOU.
ANDY: THAT WILL SEND THEM RIGHT OVER TO COSTCO.