Clueless Gamer: AT&T Stadium Edition

April 09, 2014

CONAN Highlight: In this special Dallas edition of "Clueless Gamer," Conan takes over AT&T Stadium's DiamondVision screen to play such classics as Madden NFL, Need for Speed, Street Fighter, & more. [Go Behind The Scenes Of This Remote In CONAN360°]

Related: PHOTOS: Clueless Gamer: AT&T Stadium Edition

Experience the content above from all angles with CONAN360° -- putting YOU at the center of the action.

TranscriptCONAN: I'm here in AT& stadium. This is the home of the Dallas Cowboys, the spectacular enclosed stadium and of course the eye goes immediately to this massive screen here, one of the largest diamond vision screens in the world. 72 feet high by 160 feet wide, weighs 1.2 million pounds. If this screen were made of meat, it would be a major health hazard. So why am I here? Because I want to take the eighth wonder of the world. One of mankind's great technological achievements and use it to play video games. Get in here, Aaron. That's right, it's another episode of "Clueless Gamer." [APPLAUSE] One of the most advanced technological achievements in the world, yet the irony, you turn it on using a clapper. Wow. This is mind-blowing. This is incredible! This is causing my heart to defibrillate. AARON: We're in AT& stadium, let's play some football. CONAN: Madden 25. I'm going to be the Patriots. AARON: And I'm going to play the Cowboys. JIM: Parker, good to be with you today. CONAN: Look, they caught how Phil Simms has dead eyes. AARON: Here we go. >> Leon Washington now for the chance to return -- >> There we go. >> 50 touchdown passes for quarterback Tom Brady. CONAN: Now they're just talking about Giselle. You're really married to Giselle? Yeah. I mean like you go home Giselle's there? Yeah. But when you leave in the morning -- yeah, she's always there. AARON: Now press one of those buttons to throw to that guy. They'll be running and there will be symbols above the receivers. CONAN: Oh, OK. Tell me before they snap it next time! >> Can they protect the quarterback? CONAN: I hit the thing as soon as I could. Look! Yeah, I'm waiting way too long. OK. When they show it in slow motion, it looks like I'm waiting for a bus. Playing football on the screen is a little obvious. Let's do something a little less obvious. AARON: Oh, yeah, this is a game called flower. You're that flower petal. You can go up and down and all that. You are trying to hit other flower petals to help them, let them join you. There you go. You got another flower petal. CONAN: Oh, my god, there's no way these guys weren't high when they invented this. I don't recommend this game if you have allergies. If you experience an erection more than nine hours, consult your doctor. Oh, look at that. AARON: Oh, wow. CONAN:The kids are spelling out my name. I've put the kids to sleep. Look at them all. Hi, kids! KIDS: Hi! CONAN: Beautiful. I'm playing with these petals. The children are lying in the field. We've taken over football. AARON: Let's try something more intense. CONAN: Yeah. What happened? AARON: Sorry. CONAN: You having problems with your controller? AARON: Yes, yes, sorry. CONAN: It would be great if your battery was low, with all this. 50 million dollars of technology and and your triple-A battery is low. AARON: All right. Got it. Need for Speed rivals. So R2 is your gas. L2 is reverse. CONAN: I'm not going to need reverse. AARON: Yeah, there you go. Oh, boy! >> Hold it, hold it. CONAN: Poorly designed road. The alignment of the car is off. AARON: All right. Get that guy. CONAN: I got him. Time for nitro! Shut up. Shut up. That tree had to come down anyway! AARON: What are you doing? We wrecked. CONAN: OK. What was our score? OK, that's the number of things I hit. AARON: We only went 4.8 miles. CONAN: But memorable miles. Won't forget that drive. Neither will anybody who lives in that area. AARON: Want to play a fighting game? CONAN: Yes. AARON: One of the classic fighting games, Street Fighter 2. CONAN: Yeah. AARON: So pick your guy. You can scroll around a bit. CONAN: Trying to see if there is anybody that reminds me of me. I'll be this guy. There is no fiercer warrior than Ken. Maybe Brad. AARON: What country do you want to play in? CONAN: What? America U.S.A.! AARON: Here we go. Oh, no. Hey, whoah. CONAN: This is the best game we've played so far. Who are those people on the boat? AARON: You're pretty good at this game. CONAN: I like a fighting game. AARON: Oh, my god. You beat me! CONAN: Yes! These countries fascinate me. Let's try U.S.S.R. OK. Look, they're drinking! This is the most depressing view of Russia I've ever seen. AARON: Oh, my god! CONAN: That's my move. Yes! [APPLAUSE] AARON: What did you think of the experience? CONAN: I've played video games with you a lot. This has been the most fun. I highly recommend that all of you watching go out and rent an NFL stadium, cleared of all personnel and play video games on the giant diamond vision screen. If you can't afford that, you could try a buffalo arena. I wouldn't go smaller than a basketball arena. That's the lowest I would go. This was fantastic. Peace out. Tupac. [Cheers and applause]