1. Texas-Sized NCAA Mascots That Shouldn't Dunk

Texas-Sized NCAA Mascots That Shouldn't Dunk

Just in time for the Final Four, experience the glory of the "Austin Hipster Gored By A Bull" mascot trying to sink a basket. #ConanDallas

Transcript:

Conan: This weekend, the final four is going to take place right here in Dallas.
The fun part of the games is watching the two mascots doing slam dunks.
A lot of colleges in Texas, some of them have very strange mascots.
Here's what we did -- we invited the freakiest mascots from all over the great state of Texas to come dunk on our show tonight.
So it's time, ladies and gentlemen, for our NCAA weird dunking mascots!
[Cheers and applause]
Ladies and gentlemen, first up a is mascot that blends a popular African American film maker with a well known Texas politician.
Please welcome Tyler Perry's Rick Perry.
[Cheers and applause]
Are you ready Tyler Perry, Rick Perry?
And go!
Oh!
That was horrifying.
ANDY: Yeah, the governor has satin purple panties.
CONAN: At one point this next mascot was a mascot for the Texas rangers, that's right.
It's A-Rod's last known vial of clean urine.
[Cheers and applause]
Wow.
1976.
That's a long -- you ready, clean urine?
Let's go!
Andy: Oh, no.
Conan: I saw up the pill bottle.
That was horrifying.
Next, the guy who ate too much Tex-Mex.
ANDY: Oh, boy, incredible muscle control.
CONAN: Incredible muscle control.
All right.
Let's see if you can do it.
Go, guy, go!
Andy: Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
He lost his toilet.
Conan: He almost -- that was almost tragic.
The toilet almost became separated from his body.
To shamelessly pander to the people here in Dallas at the expense of another great city.
Here's the other one, the Austin hipster being gored by a bull.
Austin hipster: Oh, put me down I'm a vegan, man.
I'm bleeding cappuccino.
CONAN: Go, Austin hipster go!
Austin hipster: Oh! No, dude, no.
Oh, man!
I have Arcade Fire tickets.
Basketball's a metaphor for corporate greed. Oh!
CONAN: Shut up.
Austin hipster: All right.
Conan: Isn't he dead yet?
Austin hipster: Someone put artisanal toast in my mouth.
CONAN: Our final mascot, is the oil Derrick suffering from erectile dysfunction.
[APPLAUSE]
Go Derrick go!
>> Oh, man!
[APPLAUSE]
Awful.
CONAN: You know what, this is just awful.
ANDY: Get him out of here.
CONAN: Yeah, get him out of here fast.
I think we got to have someone get it in and I think that's Tyler Perry's Rick Perry.
Let's bring him back.
Folks, let's see if he can do it!
It's on you!
Yeah!
[Cheers and applause]
Yeah!
Yeah!
[Cheers and applause]
He's got my vote!