1. Deon Cole Breaks Down The News: OJ Simpson Edition

Deon Cole Breaks Down The News: OJ Simpson Edition

Deon takes a look at today's headlines and tells some harsh truths.

Transcript:

CONAN: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, LET'S FACE IT, WE LIVE IN A 24-HOUR NEWS CYCLE.
THERE'S SO MUCH BREAKING NEWS, IT'S HARD TO PROCESS IT ALL SO WE FOUND A WAY TO PUT THE DAY'S NEWS IN PERSPECTIVE WITH THE HELP OF ONE OF OUR WRITERS, DEON COLE, LET'S DO IT RIGHT NOW.
THE WORLD CUP IS UNDERWAY.
MANY COACHES HAVE BANNED THEIR PLAYERS FROM HAVING SEX DURING THE TOURNAMENT, SAYING IT COULD AFFECT THEIR GAME.
DEON COLE: WAS WILT CHAMBERLAIN ONE OF THE GREATEST BASKETBALL PLAYERS OF ALL TIME?
CONAN: YES, HE WAS.
DEON COLE: DIDN'T HE HAVE SEX WITH 2200 WOMEN?
CONAN: THAT'S WHAT THEY SAY.
DEON COLE: LET THOSE PLAYERS HAVE SEX THREE TIMES A DAY AND TELL THE COACHES TO SHUT THE HELL UP!
CONAN: IN OTHER NEWS, IRAQ IS ON THE BRINK OF CIVIL WAR.
CONSERVATIVES ARE BLAMING OBAMA FOR CREATING THE MESS BY WITHDRAWING U.S. TROOPS.
DEON COLE: DID OBAMA GET INTRODUCE IRAQ?
CONAN: NO.
DEON COLE: ARE THESE CRITICS THE SAME GUYS THAT GOT US INTO THE MESS IN THE FIRST PLACE?
CONAN: YEAH.
DEON COLE: THEY SHOULD CLEAN UP THEIR OWN MESS AND TELL THEM TO SHUT THE HELL UP!
CONAN: THE FEDERAL TRADEMARK OFFICE RULED THAT THE TERM WASHINGTON REDSKINS WAS DISPARAGING TO NATIVE AMERICANS BUT TEAM OWNER DAN SNYDER IS APPEALING THE DECISION SO HE CAN CALL HIS TEAM THE REDSKINS.
DEON COLE: WOULD DAN SNYDER BUY A TEAM CALLED THE BOSTON IRISH PASTY SKINS?
CONAN: NO.
DEON COLE: WOULD HE SPONSOR A DEMOLITION DERBY CALLED DRIVE LIKE AN ASIAN PERSON?
CONAN: NO.
DEON COLE: THEN CHANGE THE NAME OF THE REDSKINS AND TELL HIM TO SHUT THE HELL UP!
CONAN: AND FINALLY, THIS WEEK MARKS THE 20TH ANNIVERSARY OF O.J. SIMPSON'S SLOW SPEED POLICE CHASE THROUGH LOS ANGELES.
THERE'S FOOTAGE OF THIS CHASE.
CRITICS SAY THAT 20 YEARS LATER ALL THIS EMPHASIS ON THE CHASE VIDEO TRIVIALIZES THE UNDERLYING CRIMES.
DEON COLE: DIDN'T THAT CHASE BRING THE COUNTRY TOGETHER?
CONAN: YEAH, IT DID.
DEON COLE: WASN'T IT HARD TO STOP WATCHING IT?
CONAN: YEAH, IT WAS?
DEON COLE: ISN'T IT BECAUSE THERE'S SOMETHING COMPELLING ABOUT WATCHING A BLACK MAN MOVING SLOWLY ACROSS YOUR TV SCREEN?
CONAN: I THINK YOU'RE RIGHT.
I THINK YOU'RE RIGHT.
YOU'RE RIGHT.
YOU'RE RIGHT, DEON!
DEON COLE: TELL THEM CRITICS TO SHUT THE [BEEP] UP!
CONAN: DEON COLE!