1. Deon Reveals How Detroit Can Rebuild Its Credit

Deon Reveals How Detroit Can Rebuild Its Credit

Deon's simple, three step recovery process worked for him, so why can't it work for Detroit?

Transcript:

CONAN: Big story -- the city of Detroit declared bankruptcy last week.
Pretty stunning story.
One of our writers would like to come out and talk about this situation with Detroit.
Please welcome Deon Cole!
[Cheers and applause]
Hello, Deon.
DEON COLE: Thanks, Conan.
Look, I feel bad for Detroit.
Declaring bankruptcy is tough and embarrassing.
But I got a plan on how Detroit can rebuild its credit in three easy steps.
CONAN: This sounds promising, let's hear it.
DEON COLE: Step one.
Detroit, you need to find you a girlfriend with good credit.
Someone who can take care of you.
See, I'm thinking Indianapolis.
She's got money, she's cute, and the best thing of all, she's white.
[Laughter]
Step two -- take Indianapolis out.
Wine and dine her.
But you make her pay for everything, all right?
All you have to do is just be like, damn, I left my wallet at home.
Trust me, she's not going to dump you because you been keeping her very happy in many other ways, if you know what I'm talking about.
CONAN: Deon, cities can't have sex.
DEON COLE: Step three -- Indianapolis will feel bad for you because you're broke, so she'll add your name to one of her credit cards, and when she does that you spend the shit out of that card.
Use it for everything, office supplies, your aunt's funeral, everything.
And she doesn't want her credit to go back add all, so she's going to keep paying for all the bills, which makes your credit score go right back up.
Now, Detroit, I know this -- I'm assuming that this whole time you've been messing around with some other stinkier cities like threend and Cleveland, all right?
Them bitches will do anything.
And then, of course, Indianapolis is going to catch you in bed with Toledo
But who cares?
Your credit is better.
Now you can get you a real girl, like big booty Atlanta.
[Applause]
CONAN: Deon Cole, everybody.
Thank you, Deon.
[Applause]