CONAN: Thank you so much for being back here.
I want to start by saying there are going to be some spoilers.
So if you are not caught up on "game of Thrones," you may wish to keep the show on this channel, don't turn or turn to another one, but maybe cover your ears, OK?
GEORGE R.R. MARTIN: That would be good, yes, or mute.
They could mute.
Actually, most people watch my show on mute anyway.
My voice has been proven to be highly irritating.
I'm going to start by saying that in one of the most recent episodes, again "game of Thrones" did not disappoint.
You made a bold move and you killed king Joffrey.
GEORGE R.R. MARTIN:It was another wedding.
CONAN: Man, your weddings are awful.
Every time you have a wedding on your show, 30 people die horribly.
GEORGE R.R. MARTIN: We established that right in the first season.
Any wedding that doesn't have at least three deaths is a dull wedding.
CONAN: No one is going to invite you to one, that's for sure.
King Joffrey -- I can't think of a character people have hated more.
He was absolutely awful.
Did you have any mixed feelings at all about killing Joffrey, or were you cool with it?
GEORGE R.R. MARTIN: Of course, I killed him years ago in the books.
At that time we didn't actually have an actor playing him or something.
Jack Gleason, who played Joffrey, was the nicest guy in the world.
CONAN: I can't imagine that.
When you see that character and he's always saying things like, what a nice little cat, kill it!
It's then hard to believe that he's a really nice guy as an actor.
GEORGE R.R. MARTIN: It's a good thing that I wrote the books before we started making the show.
When you make the show and meet the actors, then it's harder to kill them.
Because, oh, I'm going to make -- jack will be out of a job then.
CONAN: And he seems so nice and he told me he's buying a boat.
I don't want to kill him.
GEORGE R.R. MARTIN: I've done all the killing years ago, so I don't have to worry about it.
CONAN: The show is just trying to catch up to the murders you committed years ago.
GEORGE R.R. MARTIN: That's true.
Although to be fair, David and Dan, who are the show runners, they're killing characters who are still alive in the books.
So as bloody as I am, David and Dan are always turning things up to 11.
So really no one is safe.
Even the book readers who are saying, oh, this character is safe.
He's not in any trouble because he's still in book five may have an unpleasant surprise.
CONAN: What's that an unpleasant surprise for you when you wrote the book, you really loved this character, and they put a spear through his mouth?
GEORGE R.R. MARTIN: I usually know about it, because I actually work on the show and write one episode per season.
So I have a little warning.
But I do kind of squeal when I get the outline.
Wait a minute, he's not dead in the books.
He's still alive.
CONAN: This is TV, pal.
Sit back and relax.
GEORGE R.R. MARTIN: We had to ask for a raise.
We had to do something.
CONAN: They wanted air conditioning in their trailer.
I don't know how you felt about this.
This must have been a thrill.
At the White House correspondents dinner about a week ago, President Obama in his routine referenced the iron throne in the "game of Thrones."
GEORGE R.R. MARTIN: That's right.
And, you know, we would gladly give him one.
We have about six or seven of them.
We gave one to a guy in Brooklyn recently.
CONAN: You give these away?
GEORGE R.R. MARTIN: Well, they had a big season four premiere at the bark clay center.
7,000 fans were there.
We drew a seat number.
A guy from Hoboken won an iron throne.
CONAN: There's a guy from hobby bocken sitting on an -- from Hoboken sitting on an iron throne?
A pizza will be ordered.
ANDY: If I had one of those I'd cut a hole knit and put it right over the toilet.
GEORGE R.R. MARTIN: I just keep imagining a guy trying to get it home on the path tubes.
CONAN: I want to get one from the show.
We'll have to do an episode of this show, where it's the exact same show but I'm on an iron throne the whole show, engaging in celebrity banlter, and then Andy can use it as a toilet.
We should take a look.
It was really fun when President Obama referenced your show.
Let's take a look.