1. Introducing The Google Glass Helper

Introducing The Google Glass Helper

It's the new wearable computer that really cares about you, and your weird fetish porn.

Transcript:

MAN: OK, GLASS, HELP.
HELPER: IT LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE HUNGRY.
G.P.S. HISTORY TELLS ME YOU RARELY LEAVE THE HOUSE.
HERE ARE LOCAL RESTAURANTS WITH DELIVERY OPTIONS.
IT LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE HAVING TROUBLE URINATING.
LOOK AT THIS VIDEO FOOTAGE OF A WATERFALL AND I'LL MAKE WATER NOISES.
HANGING OUT AGAIN WITH YOUR MOM ON A SATURDAY NIGHT.
I PREDICT A .0003 CHANCE OF YOU NOT DYING ALONE.
ORANGES ARE ORANGE.
YOU LOOK TERRIBLE NAKED.
HERE'S THAT WEIRD PORN YOU LIKE.
I SEE YOU'RE TRYING TO TIE A NOOSE.
I'VE PROVIDED INSTRUCTIONS ON THE LEFT SIDE OF THE SCREEN IN CASE YOU WON'T BE SEEING THE REMAINING MOVIES IN YOUR NETFLIX SCREEN BECAUSE OF YOUR IMPENDING DEATH, I'LL TELL YOU HOW THEY END.
"THE KISS," HE WHISPERS SOMETHING IN HER EAR, YOU CAN'T TELL WHAT IT IS, KINDA VAGUE.
IT LOOKS LIKE YOU SEEM TO BE ALIVE.
I'LL GO AHEAD AND NOTIFY YOUR FAMILY IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER.
CONAN: WHAT A DARK ENDING.
THAT STARTED OUT SO FUNNY AND THEN AT THE END, THEY DIDN'T LAUGH AT HIM HANGING HIMSELF.
WHAT'S WRONG WITH EVERYBODY?
ANDY: I DON'T KNOW.
CONAN: HEY!
WHAT A GREAT SHOW WE HAVE TONIGHT, FROM THE HIT -- WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?
I'VE NEVER HEARD THE BAND LAUGH.
I FOUND WHAT THEY LIKE, SUICIDE.
THIS GUY'S STILL LAUGHING OVER HERE.
I LOVE THIS GUY.
THIS GUY RIGHT HERE.
HE'S GOOD.
ANYWAY...