Ike Barinholtz Kills His Daughter's Singing Monkey

April 13, 2018

Ike destroys the stuffed monkey / demon from hell who was sent to here to destroy his life.

TranscriptConan: What I found is a lot of baby gifts before my daughter was born and then my son a drop off. Do you still get them >> So many. And the technology on baby gifts, they all make noise now. He we were growing up there was one toy that made noise, right? Speak and spell. Conan: Yes. >> That was it. Everything else just shut up. But now everything is like, you know, the cow says moo. And the book, they have books now that make noise. Conan: That read themselves. >> You used to be able to say go in the corner and read a book. Now you go in the corner and the sheep says bah. It's just nonstop noise. I need these toys to shut up, man. It's too loud. Conan: What is the most annoying gift that you have received? For one of your kids? >> All right. So my mom who I love dearly, she bought this thing. And it's a toy. I brought it. It's a monkey. I'm going to show you. Conan: They put this out on a commercial break. I didn't know what it was and they said you were going to say what this is all about. >> Look at this little son of a bitch. Conan: What is it? It says love -- >> It says love you. She got this for my oldest for Valentine's Day. Don't say ah. Don't say ah. This thing sucks. Listen to this. Ready for this? Conan: Yeah, go. my, my, my valentine, sweet and cute and cuddly thank you when you're around you drive me crazy Conan: It doesn't stop! It goes and goes and goes. >> Ok. There are a lot of things. First of all it's a remake of a remake. Right? You can't touch this. Which was a remake of super freak. Conan: Yes. >> Already I don't like the song. I don't like the arrangement. I don't like anything. Conan: It's a bad arrangement and also the vocals, it's too high pitched. >> Way too high pitched. And it goes all night and sometimes you think everyone is asleep but you'll hear in the middle of the night -- ooh ooh ah ah Conan: It stirs on its own? >> I tell you why. It's a demon from hell sent here to destroy my life. What I would like to do is I would like to kill it. Right now. Conan: Kill the toy. >> I want to kill the toy right now because I can't do it at home because if I do that, that's messed up. Andy: That would make you a bad dad. >> Bad dad. Which I'm not. If I do it here, it's a bit. Andy: Right. Conan: If you do it here you're a show business professional. [applause] >> And my daughter, she'll cry. She'll cry but I will explain to her, listen. Conan is a very big influence in my life. You mean a lot to me. I want to have a good appearance. I'll show her Simpson's monorail. He wrote that so you know what's at stake. Conan: Right. Andy: That should do it. Conan: If nothing else, yes. Andy: Yeah, yeah. >> Let's kill this son of a bitch. Conan: Ok. Go ahead. >> That all right? >> Yeah. Go for it. Your mom gave this to you. >> My mom is going to be fine. Conan: You told your mom you're going to do this? >> She'll be fine. She'll watch the show later on. Conan: I think it should be singing while you kill it. my, my, my, my >> All right. It's gone. Conan: I want to find the thing that makes the noise. That's the part I always like. >> You did it. You pulled it right out. Conan: This guy wasn't bothering you. It was this. This is the problem right here. >> Maybe I can bring this back home to my daughter and salvage it. You know. Thank you. [applause] Andy: Got the head down there. >> Yeah, yeah. Ha ha ha! You're mine!

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