1. Jane Fonda Flashed A Bear

Jane Fonda Flashed A Bear

Jane is an experienced rancher, which means she has to fend off animal attacks and buy her undies in bulk.


CONAN: It's funny, you've been married three times and you're quite candid about this.
You refer to Ted turner as your favorite ex-husband, as you just did.
He's the favorite.
You have three exes, and he's your favorite.
JANE FONDA: One of them's dead, but if he was alive --
CONAN: So if you're dead you're out of the running.
JANE FONDA: If he was alive, we'd be friends.
Life is too short.
Eventually you remember why you loved them and you become friends again.
But Ted and I are real close and, yeah, he's my favorite.
CONAN: He is such a character.
You know, when you guys were married you lived in this massive ranch together.
JANE FONDA: Many massive ranches.
Two million acres worth of massive ranches.
I used to buy underwear in bulk.
He didn't like to carry suitcases.
So I would just have --
CONAN: So you had to have a full set of clothes for each different ranch.
JANE FONDA: Right, yeah.
CONAN: That boggles my mind.
Were you then a rancher's wife?
JANE FONDA: I was a rancher's wife, you know.
I mean, anyone who knows about ranching knows I was a good -- I would always sit on the outside when we came to gates.
Usually a person would sit in the middle so they wouldn't have to get out.
But I was always the good wife.
When we came to the gates, I was the one to get out, open the gate, wait for the car to drive in, close it.
It's muddy and it's dirty.
CONAN: You can afford a gate opener, a clicker.
They cost like $1.99.
No, we don't need that thing.
"Git out there, Jane!"
That's pretty much how he talked, isn't it?
JANE FONDA: Yeah, it is.
CONAN: "Git out there and get that gate open, yeeha!"
Didn't do that, no.
CONAN: He's really big into fly-fishing, I know.
JANE FONDA: Yeah, I became a pretty good fly-fisher woman.
CONAN: Fly-fishing to me, it looks like -- it's said to be one of the hardest things to do.
JANE FONDA: It's very hard.
A lot of alpha male in particular like to do it, because you have to be completely focused.
Especially if they're deaf.
Very focused.
Nobody talks.
CONAN: Who's deaf?
JANE FONDA: A lot of guys, including Ted.
And me, too, apparently.
I didn't get that. Eh?
JANE FONDA: No, you have to focus.
If you think about anything else, you miss it.
One-second chance.
So guys that have a lot of pressure, and I guess they learn to really like it.
Spent a lot of year doing a lot of crying and throwing myself on the ground, but eventually I got pretty good.
CONAN: That's worth it then to be a good fly-fisherwoman.
Did you have any encounters with any animals?
You're on a 50-million-acre ranch with apparently no gate opener and were you -- did you ever have interactions with crazy animals?
But my most crazy actually was after Ted and I split up.
I have a ranch in New Mexico.
One summer night I was leaving my then very young grandson, who was in a crib in the corner.
It was a very, very small cottage, log cabin, small room.
I was reading.
I heard a weird noise.
It was about 10:00 at night.
I got up, looked in the living room, didn't see anything.
Suddenly my golden retriever came running out of the bedroom yelping like crazy.
I went running in and there right in front of me walking from the screen door that he had come through, was a bear headed for the crib where my grandson.
CONAN: In the cabin?
JANE FONDA: Yeah in, the bedroom, the very small log cabin bedroom.
I was like, what do I do?
I don't know where my gun is.
I don't have time to look for it.
So I do what you do.
I'm not going to open this now because it's glued together.
I opened my bathrobe and I went raaaaa!
CONAN: You flashed the bear.
You flashed the bear.
JANE FONDA: Right, right.
CONAN: I love that.
JANE FONDA: But it wasn't the tits, it was the growl.
CONAN: You don't know.
JANE FONDA: Yes, I do, because the bear peed on the rug.
CONAN: And then the bear left, I hope.
JANE FONDA: He went partway out the door and sat down, and I pushed.
CONAN: Don't do that! You pushed the bear?
JANE FONDA: Pushed the bear out and then slammed the glass door and the bear kind of leaned against the glass.
Funny to look at a bear mushed up against the glass.
CONAN: Just like a woman.
Show him the goods and then push him out the door.