Joel McHale Wants Conan O'Brien's Mobile Strip Club

January 15, 2014

Joel McHale

Joel kindly helps Conan brainstorm details of his dream to create a gentleman's club in a truck.

TranscriptCONAN: It is your son's birthday today, is that right? JOEL: It is my son's birthday, yes. [Cheers and applause] CONAN: How old is he now? JOEL: He's 36. Boom! [Laughter] No, he is 9 today. CONAN: He's 9. Exciting. JOEL: He was wondering why I was not around after school, because I said the large albino man and I will be together talking. CONAN: I've hung out with you, your lovely wife and your kids. So your kids know me. Do I frighten them, the big albino man? JOEL: They're not scared anymore. [Laughter] They really like you. They think you're a funny man. They're always like, he says funny things, like they're suspect of you. We had a party on Sunday and 25 8 to 9-year-old boys came over, and it was mayhem. CONAN: What did you do with all of them? JOEL: We built leg goos. I screamed so loud at them and it was so satisfying to scream at other people's children. CONAN: What were you screaming? JOEL: Like I was like, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up! No. I was just barking orders because half of them were rebel Jedis and they all built ships. And then they had to have a battle, and then it was just them throwing the ships at each other. It was legos flying. CONAN: Where were the parents during all of this? JOEL: They were drinking. I literally went to the liquor store and say, how many bottles of wine do I need for the parents during the two-hour birthday party? And it turned out to be 12. And cheese, a lot of cheese. CONAN: Have you heard of this thing kids do on their birthdays? It's out here in Los Angeles, I don't know if it's in the rest of the country. We have not done it, but I've taken my kids to birthday parties where they get a video game truck. A truck pulls up and it has a lot of video games in it, and their parents rent it and the kids go in there. I went into one when I took my son to a birthday party and we go in, and there's like pulsating lights and all the kids are sitting there and they're playing video games and -- JOEL: Silently? CONAN: Silently playing video games and I'm like, oh, I've seen this before. Oh, right, this is a strip club. They're just playing this game. Then I actually had the idea, what about getting a truck and putting a strip club in it? And driving it around into areas that's not zoned for a strip club, like my neighborhood. JOEL: It would be Conan O'Brien's mobile strip club. You would put your name on it. CONAN: Yes. I haven't run this past my publicity people yet, but I don't see a downside. ANDY: Will it drive around or will it park? The girls might fall off the pole if you're driving around. CONAN: Or they might spin faster. We're getting on the 405, whoa, whoa, whoa! JOEL: Imagine trying to put a dollar in -- CONAN: I got that, baby! JOEL: It would be so much easier to clean a truck like that than a strip club. Because they are dirty places. [Laughter] CONAN: Strange man, you are. JOEL: I was thinking like if you're in Conan O'Brien's signature mobile strip club, it's a practical thing. CONAN: I would have a clean strip club. JOEL: Oh, OK. CONAN: Yeah, what are you thinking? Mine is going to be very clean and posh. JOEL: You're lying to yourself if you think that your strip truck is just going to be -- CONAN: Don't call it a strip truck! It's a mobile gentlemen's club. [Applause] JOEL: Today's the day it's going to be dirty. OK? You can say all you want. CONAN: No, no, no. Andy and I will keep this thing very clean. JOEL: Andy will follow behind in Andy's portable bleach truck. [Laughter] He'll pull a huge tanker of bleach. CONAN: You laugh, but there are people watching right now, real pervs who are hearing this idea and they're saying, this is an idea, this is a great idea. And they're going to do it and they're going to make a lot of money and I'll be left out in the cold. JOEL: You better jump on that idea right now. CONAN: You're right, you're right. JOEL: You said substance, and you got it, folks. [Laughter] We talked about my 9-year-old's birthday and how to clean a stripper truck with bleach. CONAN: We did it. JOEL: I'm sorry.

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