1. Joel McHale Wants Conan O'Brien's Mobile Strip Club

Joel McHale Wants Conan O'Brien's Mobile Strip Club

Joel kindly helps Conan brainstorm details of his dream to create a gentleman's club in a truck.


CONAN: It is your son's birthday today, is that right?
JOEL: It is my son's birthday, yes.
[Cheers and applause]
CONAN: How old is he now?
JOEL: He's 36.
No, he is 9 today.
CONAN: He's 9.
JOEL: He was wondering why I was not around after school, because I said the large albino man and I will be together talking.
CONAN: I've hung out with you, your lovely wife and your kids.
So your kids know me.
Do I frighten them, the big albino man?
JOEL: They're not scared anymore.
They really like you.
They think you're a funny man.
They're always like, he says funny things, like they're suspect of you.
We had a party on Sunday and 25 8 to 9-year-old boys came over, and it was mayhem.
CONAN: What did you do with all of them?
JOEL: We built leg goos.
I screamed so loud at them and it was so satisfying to scream at other people's children.
CONAN: What were you screaming?
JOEL: Like I was like, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up!
I was just barking orders because half of them were rebel Jedis and they all built ships.
And then they had to have a battle, and then it was just them throwing the ships at each other.
It was legos flying.
CONAN: Where were the parents during all of this?
JOEL: They were drinking.
I literally went to the liquor store and say, how many bottles of wine do I need for the parents during the two-hour birthday party?
And it turned out to be 12.
And cheese, a lot of cheese.
CONAN: Have you heard of this thing kids do on their birthdays?
It's out here in Los Angeles, I don't know if it's in the rest of the country.
We have not done it, but I've taken my kids to birthday parties where they get a video game truck.
A truck pulls up and it has a lot of video games in it, and their parents rent it and the kids go in there.
I went into one when I took my son to a birthday party and we go in, and there's like pulsating lights and all the kids are sitting there and they're playing video games and --
JOEL: Silently?
CONAN: Silently playing video games and I'm like, oh, I've seen this before.
Oh, right, this is a strip club.
They're just playing this game.
Then I actually had the idea, what about getting a truck and putting a strip club in it?
And driving it around into areas that's not zoned for a strip club, like my neighborhood.
JOEL: It would be Conan O'Brien's mobile strip club.
You would put your name on it.
I haven't run this past my publicity people yet, but I don't see a downside.
ANDY: Will it drive around or will it park?
The girls might fall off the pole if you're driving around.
CONAN: Or they might spin faster.
We're getting on the 405, whoa, whoa, whoa!
JOEL: Imagine trying to put a dollar in --
CONAN: I got that, baby!
JOEL: It would be so much easier to clean a truck like that than a strip club. Because they are dirty places.
CONAN: Strange man, you are.
JOEL: I was thinking like if you're in Conan O'Brien's signature mobile strip club, it's a practical thing.
CONAN: I would have a clean strip club.
CONAN: Yeah, what are you thinking? Mine is going to be very clean and posh.
JOEL: You're lying to yourself if you think that your strip truck is just going to be --
CONAN: Don't call it a strip truck!
It's a mobile gentlemen's club. [Applause]
JOEL: Today's the day it's going to be dirty.
You can say all you want.
CONAN: No, no, no.
Andy and I will keep this thing very clean.
JOEL: Andy will follow behind in Andy's portable bleach truck.
He'll pull a huge tanker of bleach.
CONAN: You laugh, but there are people watching right now, real pervs who are hearing this idea and they're saying, this is an idea, this is a great idea.
And they're going to do it and they're going to make a lot of money and I'll be left out in the cold.
JOEL: You better jump on that idea right now.
CONAN: You're right, you're right.
JOEL: You said substance, and you got it, folks.
We talked about my 9-year-old's birthday and how to clean a stripper truck with bleach.
CONAN: We did it.
JOEL: I'm sorry.