1. Marc Maron Hates His Pants

Marc Maron Hates His Pants

Marc finds it increasingly difficult to find a pair of trousers that fit him properly.

Transcript:

[APPLAUSE]

CONAN: Your pants are almost falling off your ass.
Just saying I got a nice view when you were hugging.

MARC MARON: Always nice to come out and be embarrassed!
If god forbid I have one appearance that's not awkward
immediately!

CONAN: I just noticed.

MARC MARON: I don't know how to buy pants now.
They don't make pants for grown men any more.
Every pair, I'm saying are these right?
Are these OK?

CONAN: That's the style.
What the kids are doing the 

MARC MARON: But these aren't skinny pants.
Hold often the mike is going you all weird.
Sorry.
We're already off to a bad start.
I had you introduce know Sharon stone.
All I wanted was for me -- her to love me.
It didn't happen.
I was standing there like an idiot.
I don't know what I was expecting.
Just want aid contact high from her intensity.
She gave me nothing, Conan!

CONAN: Well, your pants were falling off.

MARC MARON: I would have loved if Sharon stone pulled my pants off.

CONAN: OK.
This segues nicely into my first question.
How are you?
How is your love life?
Are you dating?

MARC MARON: I was dating someone for a while but it didn't last.
I yell a little bit occasionally.

CONAN: You're a yeller?

MARC MARON: She wouldn't tolerate yelling and wouldn't tolerate
leaving.
So what are you to do?
Only one thing to do.
I’ll cry. I’ll cry but not appropriately.
I'll cry during commercials or bad movies but not when I'm
supposed to cry.
If I'm supposed to cry, I'll just suck it up.
I think if you are an angry person, beneath the anger is
probably sadness.
The thing is anger can be kind of sexy.
You know some women when you why younger saying he's very
passionate.
He said he's going to finish this novel he was working on the
but as you get older you realize, oh, it wasn't passion, it was
emotional abuse the 
CONAN: Fierce passion, anger, rage, can come across as
sexy.

MARC MARON: Right.
Crying, sadness not so.
I don't think a woman has ever said, "he's so hot.
He just cries all the time."
I don't think a woman has said, "he wakes up weeping for no
reason.
I just want to climb on top of him and ride him.
I just hope he keeps crying during it because that really turns me on.
" women don't like that.
They want men to be strong.
Look, I think it's important that men get in touch with their
sensitivity but I will be honest, as a man there is nothing
more embarrassing than being seen crying or experiencing this or this.
Yay!

ANDY: Well, especially if you do that.
I think that's the part that was bad.

MARC MARON: But that's why joy looks like, right?

CONAN: No.
That looks like having an orgasm on a bad roller coaster.

MARC MARON: What is more joyous than that?
Having an orgasm on a bad roller coaster.
That's the metaphor for every relationship I've ever been in.
I think you have just explained my love life.

CONAN: That's the important thing.