1. Martin Short's Ultimate Telemarketer Solution

Martin Short's Ultimate Telemarketer Solution

CONAN Highlight: When Martin fought back against annoying phone solicitors, he accidentally gave an earful to a Hollywood heavyweight.


CONAN: You recently changed your phone number.
MARTIN: I did.
CONAN: You changed your phone number because I went to call you and I could not get through.
And I took it personally at first.
MARTIN: Others have the new number but that's not --
No, I -- I mean, I don't understand the telemarketer thing.
And it seems like so ridiculously it should be outlawed.
In six months I had to change it twice.
And I just changed it again.
And about three weeks ago I got a call and it's like a telemarketer.
So I hang up.
Then -- ring, ring.
I can do sound effects too!
CONAN: That's a really old phone.
MARTIN: Brrrr-ring!
So I go -- suck my ass you prick!
And I hung up on them.
Then Brrr-ring.
Blow my relatives ass shit!
You know.
ANDY: You're a good swearer.
MARTIN: Thank you. And the third one is [Bleep], [Bleep], whore, [Bleep].
Because I was doing some thinking.
And then it rings again.
So I say to my daughter, who's you know, 7 -- I said to my daughter, I am going to have a heart attack.
You get that.
And she goes to the phone and she says -- oh, I'm sorry, have you been phoning the last three times here?
Oh, I'm sorry, OK, I'll get my dad.
Dad, it's Steven Spielberg.
CONAN: Was he OK with it?
MARTIN: He's used to it.