1. Ryan Hamilton Stand-Up 05/12/14

Ryan Hamilton Stand-Up 05/12/14

Ryan's face is so smiley, he'd make a great 1950s logo.

Transcript:

RYAN HAMILTON: All right.
All right.
Hi.
Should we start with my face?
[Laughter]
I always look like this.
And I look really happy all the time.
I am well aware that I look just ecstatic constantly.
And I don't feel like this.
I really don't.
I feel -- I feel OK.
 [Laughter]
I feel fine.
And I look crazy happy.
I don't really buy it really.
I look in the mirror and I go, that is inaccurate.
I don't know what you want me to do.
People walk around and say, look at that chipper fellow.
And I go, I'm OK.
I feel like I look more like a comedy club logo than a comedian.
That could be a sign in 1953.
I could sell ice cream -- ice cream in the 1950's.
I can't just show up at funeral.
You know?
[Laughter]
I'm so sorry for your loss.
[Laughter]
I -- I can't ask a girl out, you know?
What are you doing tomorrow?
[Laughter]
It's just so creepy, isn't it?
I mean -- I'm single.
And I'm trying not to be single which sounds desperate really.
You shouldn't say that out loud.
It's true.
There's no woman in earshot of that statement going that's the one.
[Laughter]
Dibs on that smiley desperate fellow over there.
Part of your single life is great.
You can do whatever you want whenever you want.
Right?
Maybe someone wanders into your life.
You don't care.
It's a great place to be.
I'm not there anymore.
[Laughter]
Freedom's amazing.
But I'm not popping up alone in the bed and saying I can do whatever I want, you know what I mean?
I'm not rolling around in bed going, look at the freedom!
I have so much freedom!
I'm not brave hearting in bed at 3 am.
I'm not watching infomercials and eating a lean cuisine because I'm living life.
You're the only people I've talked to today.
[Laughter]
I'm not very good socially.
This is all I do.
I just do this and go home and think of things to tell strangers tomorrow.
[Laughter]
I don't drink.
I think that's part of it.
It's tough to be social when you don't drink because you don't want me around, you know?
Some nights it's fine but many nights I get this feeling back from the group like we all got together and we realized you going to remember most of this.
[Laughter]
So we'd like for you to go home.
[Laughter]
Now, what you don't think about is it goes both ways.
Your drinking affects my life.
Nobody ever thinks about that.
But it's true because I'm a good listener, you know?
And so I listen and I listen and I listen.
And I'm fine with that, really?
I'm OK with that.
What I'm not OK with is the next state when I end up alone in the park waiting for a picnic.
[Laughter]
There is no picnic.
It's just -- I'm just alone on a blanket with baby carrots and cheese cubes waiting for someone with a five digit phone number to try and call.
You don't get that kind of detail in a joke unless you've actually lived it.
Thank you very much.
[Cheers and applause]