1. Tom Arnold Works Out With Arnold Schwarzenegger

Tom Arnold Works Out With Arnold Schwarzenegger

Tom lost 90 pounds, so Arnold always starts with a compliment, and then berates him into exercising more.

Transcript:

CONAN: You are so skinny.
TOM: I lost a lot of weight.
CONAN: How much weight did you lose?
TOM: I lost 90 pounds.
CONAN: 90 pounds!
[Cheers and Applause]
CONAN: Look at you.
TOM: I have lost weight, I have lost 90 pounds before, but the last time, I did it because I had this premiere coming up.
I wanted to fit in this suit.
I lost it.
The moment I got to 199 3/4.
I went to McDonald's, two double quarter pounders with cheese.
I made it.
I gained the weight back.
CONAN: You stayed at McDonald's for two days?
TOM: Yeah.
This time I had a child, 10 months ago, Jax, my baby.
Thank you, my first baby.
CONAN: First baby!
[Cheers and Applause]
TOM: That's crazy, I'm 54.
We're at the hospital and someone sent a cake.
So I started eating it, because that's what you do with cake.
You eat the frosting and work your way inward.
CONAN: You eat the frosting first?
TOM: In case something happens and you can't finish it, you want to make sure you get the frosting.
CONAN: You see a cake, you start eating the --
TOM: Yeah, yeah, eat the frosting.
The top frosting and side frosting.
If you're still hungry, you eat the middle.
I looked at my little baby there and it just struck me I can't do that anymore.
I don't do drugs --
ANDY: Frosting all over your mouth?
TOM: I have done that at night, when you do the night eating.
You got to be very careful.
I can't do drugs anymore or drink so food was my last thing.
No one takes that away from me.
I grew up in Iowa, food, no woman, no person and I saw that little baby and I thought, you know --
CONAN: You got to stay alive.
TOM: I didn't want to say it.
That's exactly what it is.
I have to stay alive for a long time, not too long, as long as possible.
At 54, I'm like his only dad, you know.
CONAN: Right.
[Laughter]
TOM: It's crazy.
That's like a lifelong commitment for real.
CONAN: Are you working out with your good friend Arnold Schwarzenegger?
You guys hang out a lot.
TOM: I don't want to be a skinny guy either.
I want to bulk up, he is bulky.
He is the greatest body builder that ever lived, right?
He is also your buddy.
He invites me to the house.
His gym, it's weird.
It's not like a real gym.
It's like if Liberace had a gym, it's like columns and paintings of his family, it's a weird vibe.
CONAN: It looks like a palace?
TOM: It's the size of this studio.
You go in there.
He has all of his buddies, a lot are European.
They have g strings.
They work out with their shirts off.
This happens every day over there.
It happens every day.
CONAN: He has friends come over and they're in g-strings?
TOM: A guy named Ralph, g-strings, the real short, short underwear.
That's all they do.
They look at each other and they're doing this.
So I'm there and I'm pretty good at working out, you know, by myself.
Then it's so intimidating.
He'll go --
CONAN: What is Arnold doing?
TOM: Your calves look fantastic.
Then he insults me.
He says one nice thing.
He is healthy, he wants to fix me.
CONAN: Your calves look fantastic, your face is all screwed up!
What is wrong with your face!
TOM: He jams his meaty finger, he jams it into your -- if he was here, he would jam your finger --
CONAN: He wouldn't touch me, pal.
TOM: He really cares is the thing.
CONAN: So wait a minute.
I'm trying to picture this image.
This is insanity.
You're in a gym that looks like a crazy fantasy world.
Men named Ralph in g-strings, Schwarzenegger insults you, you look like crap!
TOM: Yeah, yeah!
[Laughter]
CONAN: Your Arnold impression, there were no words.
Mine was saying something.
TOM: He means well.
It's so intimidating.
By him just looking at you when you're working out, you feel very insecure.
CONAN: Yeah, he is like the greatest workout guy of all time.
TOM: Yeah.
CONAN: And you're there doing little Jazzercise.
Humiliating.