These Trump Voters Literally Don't Know How To Be Happy

November 11, 2016

Ever since Donald won a surprise victory, these Trumpsters' anger is at a record low—and it's really PISSING THEM OFF!

TranscriptCONAN: The results of Tuesday's election still sinking in. ANDY: yeah. It's hard to think about anything else. CONAN: it's been the big story. Everyone talking about it. A lot of people are still shocked, some are disappointed at the outcome. But obviously not everyone is upset. There's a good half the country that's feeling good about it. In fact, we have a couple of trump supporters in our audience tonight. They're with us right now. Hey, you guys, your candidate won. You guys must be pretty happy. >> Happy? What the hell's that supposed to mean? CONAN: OK, I mean, you voted -- I'm sorry. You voted for Donald trump and then he won. >> No, I mean, what does happy mean? >> Yeah. We've been angry at the system for so long, it's all we know. >> Our anger has been the one thing that we had in common. >> We even finished each other's sentences. Check it out. >> [Beep] -- >> You! [Applause] CONAN: very romantic. Yeah. Guess a lot of trump supporters were united in their anger, though, huh? >> Yeah. These new feelings are freaking us out. When I woke up Wednesday morning, I didn't even feel like posting death threats on twitter. >> And I saw a copy of the "New York Times" and I didn't even spit on it. What am I supposed to do with all this spit? >> Today I saw a guy drinking a latte and I didn't even have the energy to slap it out of his hands. What is happening to me? CONAN: I'll tell you what's happening to you. That's called happiness. >> Oh, my God, Conan! Look! What the hell is that thing on my wife's face? >> Get it off me. CONAN: no, no, calm down. That's a smile. >> Oh, no. Now I got it too. It's spreading. >> Make these smiles stop. >> Quick, tell a joke. >> Or take your shirt off. >> I miss being angry so much. CONAN: OK, I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. Billy, give them the gas. Give them the gas, billy. Give them the gas. [Applause] ANDY: did you just kill two more people? CONAN: yeah. It's for the best. Yeah. ANDY: I told you. CONAN: ending sketches tonight by killing people and watching to see how long the actors can hold it. ANDY: I knew once you had that poison gas, you'd have to use it. CONAN: we're going to take a little break. When we come back, -- they're very good. I got to say. Let's give it up for these dead people tonight. They're doing really good. [cheers and applause] Really committing. Really committing.