11 Mitt Romney Running Mates Guaranteed To Kick Electoral Ass
Each of these 11 potential vice presidential candidates could help presumptive GOP presidential nominee Mitt Romney win the 2012 election. Probably.
- Lady Gaga
The popular singer would help Romney with the youth demographic, which in his case would be any voter under the age of 75. Her fondness of "meat dresses" would endear her to Republicans who enjoy skinning rabbits on the weekends.
- Optimus Prime
Mitt Romney¹s opposition to the auto industry bailout would all be forgotten once he introduces his vice presidential candidate: A LIVING TRUCK.
- Gewt Ningrich
Newt Gingrich was a thorn in Mitt Romney¹s side during the grueling Republican primary. But this isn¹t Newt Gingrich. This is his charming brother Gewt Ningrich, a loveable rogue who is nothing like his brother Newt.
- Some Guy With A Cooler Full Of Beer
This dude is great. He always has a sh!@ ton of ice cold beer that he is totally cool with sharing. Everybody likes him. He¹s the sort of guy you just want to sit down and have a beer with. Do you mind if his friend Mitt comes over?
- Margaret Thatcher
The 86-year-old former English Prime Minister is the next best thing to having Ronald Reagan on the ticket. If a Kenyan terrorist can be president, then by Jove, a true conservative from England can be vice president.
- 2004 Mitt Romney
Mitt Romney can¹t possibly be accused of being a "flip-flopper" if conservative Mitt Romney runs with liberal Mitt Romney. This way the ticket can be both AGAINST and FOR gay marriage. They just have to let 2004 Mitt out of that crawlspace first.
- Chrisco Rubenstein
Combine the brash honesty of New Jersey governor Chris Christie with the youthful charisma of Marc Rubio, and some filler body parts from a random grave, and you have a Frankenstein candidate that will thrill Washington insiders. It's an experiment that can¹t possibly go wrong.
- A Dickensian Orphan
How can Mitt Romney be accused of being out-of-touch with working class Americans when his vice presidential candidate is an adorable street waif who has a part-time job as a chimney sweep?
- Grover Norquist
Republicans will say "finally, a real small-government conservative!" But most Americans will just say "THAT CUTE MUPPET HAS A LAST NAME?" Either way, win/win.
- Captain America
The patriotic super soldier is a branding dream come true for Mitt. The Captain will also help Mitt look strong, especially when the former Massachusetts governor talks about fighting the war against H.Y.D.R.A.
- An Enormous Stack Of Money
At every campaign trail stop, Romney will introduce his vice presidential running mate, a giant pyramid of unmarked one hundred dollar bills. He¹ll then make a speech, walk off the stage and leave the money there to take questions. Then whatever happens happens, no questions asked.
Fellow Americans: who do you think would the perfect running mate for Mitt Romney? Do your patriotic duty and leave your suggestions on who should ride shotgun for the GOP presidential ticket.