"I thought that hosting the MTV Movie Awards would guarantee they spell my name right on my security pass." -...
"Hey @MTV -- these #MovieAwards screeners you sent don't work!" - @ConanOBrien
CONAN Highlight: Now that the Library of Congress catalogues all tweets, Kumail's got a fun game to test your knowledge...
A Twitter employee live tweeted the birth of her child. Which explains why the doctor kept yelling "Push" and "Send!"
"I just had an epic Italian meal in New York. Go here ASAP." - @ConanOBrien
"Tonight, Charles Barkley solves one of life's greatest mysteries: Which of us has the bigger head." - @ConanOBrien
"Tonight on my final night in Texas, I'm bringing back one of my greatest inventions." - @ConanOBrien
"Confession: I don't understand how photobombs work." - @ConanOBrien
"Tonight on #ConanDallas, @AndyRichter and I did this. If it's wrong, I don't want to be right." - @ConanOBrien
"Aw, @SethRogen brought me the traditional Texas gift, "an aluminum tin of room-temperature beans." - @ConanOBrien
Ah, springtime in LA, when the birds return for pilot season.
RT @yuppieblog: Watch Bastille on Conan! http://t.co/4GbnPE2f4G http://t.co/RIicR7H02j