These are the rare sentences that have never once been said, tweeted, or texted.
Don't worry; Conan and Andy have made sure there's nothing else worth watching when the Movie Awards air.
The fast food pizza chain is closing, and these offensive human stereotypes aren't taking the news well.
Getting a buff Aussie like Chris Hemsworth is too obvious a choice; the "Rushmore" star deserved a chance to shine, too.
Patton Oswalt takes us on an idea journey into nanotechnology, space-time physics, and the lyrics from Harry Nisson's...
In leaked footage, the author of "A Song of Ice and Fire" drops some MASSIVE plot bombshells.
Conan jokes about Colorado, H&M, the Baltimore Ravens, and more...
CONAN Highlight: Fed up with Conan's shenanigans, the "Jeopardy!" host decides it's high time to turn the tables.
Conan jokes about Netflix, Disneyland, Khloe Kardashian, and more...
Bitcoin may be too much for our puny minds to comprehend; luckily the training video explains all.
Bill Murray gets real, "Star Wars" gets "Happy," and "The Simpsons" gets into "True Detective."
Conan knows what his viewing audience wants: non-stop chewing footage.
CONAN Highlight: You might not think Conan is a wrestling natural, but wait til you see his custom "Conan" character.
Conan is proud to realize his lifelong dream to host MTV's second most prestigious award show.
Conan jokes about Lent, Starbucks, Obamacare, and more...
Conan jokes about Vladimir Putin, Pope Francis, Ukraine, and more...
Andy thinks it might be a little too sophisticated and nuanced for the crowd, but we have faith.
Isaac explains the perils of the too-soon handshake.
Conan's new hosting gig has the chattering class all a-buzz with excitement.
It seems our studio is just jam-packed with celebrity look-alikes.
Conan gets the inside scoop for his favorite show thanks to his trusty INFO button.