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Nicolas Cage Terror Threat Level 02/01/11

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Conan has the exclusive look at our nation's new terror alert system! Now with cool movie star Nicolas Cage! It was recently announced that the United States is going to abandon their current color-coded terror alert level system. The question on everybody's mind is, what will the NEW system be? Don't worry, our country is still going to alert us when things are amiss, but HOW? WHO? WHEN? WHERE? The answer to all of these questions is NICOLAS CAGE. Nicolas Cage is how. Nicolas Cage is how. Nicolas Cage is when. And Nicolas Cage is here... To alert us about terror. Now how exactly is this going to work? From what I can surmise: The different levels of intensity that Nicolas Cage displays in his movie indicates the level of intensity the terror threat is at. I wonder what terror threat level "Season Of The Witch" is at? Also, there is probably an entire terror level spectrum displayed in "WIcker Man"... You've just got to dig deep for it. NOT THE BEES! Hah!