1. Alec Baldwin & Shia LaBeouf's "Stop Paying Attention To Us" Tour

Alec Baldwin & Shia LaBeouf's "Stop Paying Attention To Us" Tour

CONAN Highlight: These two shy, withdrawn Hollywood actors will not rest until millions respect their privacy in arenas all across the country!

Transcript:

Alec Baldwin and Shia LaBeouf, two celebrities plagued by negative publicity and hounded by the media are announcing their retirement from public life with a massive, 48-city farewell tour!
It's the stop paying attention to us tour, sponsored by Quizno's.
They -- these two shy, withdrawn celebrities want you to respect their privacy in arenas all across the country.
Plus special appearances by media victims and notable introverts Chris Brown, Miley Cyrus and Anthony Weiner and every show on the tour ends with a spectacular please respect our privacy fireworks extravaganza.
And don't forget to ask about the VIP celebrity meet and beat for just $2,000.
You can attempt to meet Alec Baldwin while he shoves you against the wall.
This will be your last chance to see these two celebrities in public before they take their tour to Europe.
[APPLAUSE]