1. Alex Trebek Has Gone Insane: Trebek's Revenge

Alex Trebek Has Gone Insane: Trebek's Revenge

CONAN Highlight: Fed up with Conan's shenanigans, the "Jeopardy!" host decides it's high time to turn the tables.

Transcript:

CONAN: I was watching "jeopardy" the other night, and I think that Alex Trebek is starting to lose it a little bit.
>> Let's try the sonnet for $500.
ALEX TREBEK: He became deaf in his right ear while probing the human embryo with the gas-powered Congresswoman.
>> Sidekicks for $2,000.
ALEX TREBEK: Bruce Willis butt-dialed my mother-in-law saying, bring over your mother and go outside and dig up some khakis.
What is monsanto?
ALEX TREBEK: Currently the top 10 baby names for Jewish girls include inchworm, happy nuts, brown sugar and desert dweller.
And that was the fifa women's World Cup.
Hugh jackman is a hairy man with one sac-like body cavity that looks like an older dog with thick fur who was put to sleep for making a fool of himself.
Fritz.
>> Who is --
ALEX TREBEK: No.
>> Dan?
ALEX TREBEK: No.
Pam?
ALEX TREBEK: No.
Go again.
>> Disney sidekicks for $400.
ALEX TREBEK: Oh my God. A self-absorbed carpet-soaking yoga instructor squeezed out a small sausage equivalent to 1/60 of a belly button.
>> What are cans?
ALEX TREBEK: Be more specific.
>> What are aluminum cans.
ALEX TREBEK: Be more specific.
>> What are aluminum beer cans.
ALEX TREBEK: Be more specific.
>> What are aluminum beer cans?
CONAN: See what I mean?
[Cheers and applause]
ALEX TREBEK: Hello, Conan.
You seem to be having a good time here today.
CONAN: Hello, Mr. Trebek.
Obviously we're all huge fans of your show.
I was just doing that to just have a little bit of fun.
ALEX TREBEK: That's OK, I'm not upset.
I'm a big guy.
I can look out for myself.
But I'm here for another reason.
I'm worried about you.
[Laughter]
I've been watching some of your monologues lately, and I'm concerned.
I think you are starting to lose it.
Take a look and see if you don't agree CONAN: Miami police announced they're releasing a video of Justin Bieber urinating in his jail cell.
Yeah, it was the first time toddlers were able to plant their crack pipes right there in the top of another dog's bite, but it backfired because grandma successfully sent a monkey hooker into space to stop the spread of disease.
Aaahhh!
Aaaahh!
[Cheers and applause]
CONAN: OK.
I guess we're even now, we're even.
All right.
ALEX TREBEK: I'll agree to that.
We are even.
But before I negotiation I just want to leave you with one more thought.
The next time you consider taking a person's words out of context and manipulating all of that to make them look foolish, I want you to think about this.
The ex-President of Ukraine, James van der Beek, often massages weasels in order to extract this foul-smelling waxy secretion that has bridge engineers all over the world screaming, Whassup?
Now you think about that.
CONAN: Alex Trebek, ladies and gentlemen.
[Cheers and applause]