1. Bill Burr Doesn't Buy Oprah's Holier-Than-Thou Lance Armstrong Interview

Bill Burr Doesn't Buy Oprah's Holier-Than-Thou Lance Armstrong Interview

Bill on Oprah's interview: "Didn't she used to interview midgets who want to bang their mailman's boyfriend?"

Transcript:

BILL BURR: I didn't think Lance owed anybody -- he didn't do anything to me.
[Laughter]
You know what he did for me?
He raised did the 500 million for cancer research.
That's what that lie did.
You know what I'm saying?
Anybody had the bands on, everybody the bands.
CONAN: Right.
BILL BURR: That blocked out the sun, right?
[Laughter]
CONAN: It wasn't to block out the sun.
BILL BURR: No one would get cancer.
[Laughter]
Whole thing was annoying.
And I hated out Oprah was interviewing him and acting like she was dumfounded this guy would do this.
She's been in show business 35 years and she can't wrap her head around some guy doing whatever it takes to get to the next level.
Didn't she for the first five years have like midgets who wanted to bang the mailman's boyfriend and she didn't want to do it!
She didn't want to do it but she didn't have the power to say no.
So she wrote -- rode it out and when she could make a good decision, she did a joke.
She stood on the head of the little people for five years until she got -- and then she -- she's sitting there across from this guy.
How could you --
[Laughter]
You know exactly what he's doing!
It's the stupidest thing I have ever seen.
Look, the guy was a sociopath on a bicycle, all right?
It's -- as far as I'm concerned, we got off easy.
CONAN: Yeah.
BILL BURR: In f that guy was working for a corporation, he would have been pouring stuff from the water supply doing God know what's.
Just keep him on the bike.
Go up and down the hill.
He's not hurting anybody.
CONAN: Not hurting anybody.
BILL BURR: He isn't.
The top 20 guys like all tested positive like roids. So I wrote it up, -- our roided-up guy beat your roided-up guy!
And the guy that's run that filthy sport sitting there going, this is absolutely.
This is ridiculous.
He doesn't represent cycling.
Are they going to return all of the money that they made off of that guy?
Are they going to turn in their yachts?
They're not gonna do it.
CONAN: Everyone, turn in your yacht!
[Laughter]