Brian Posehn's Son Kicked Him In The Face

September 21, 2016

Brian may or may not have been wrestling his son while wearing a Spider-Man mask at the time.

TranscriptI UNDERSTAND YOU WERE HURT THIS YEAR. WAS IT A SERIOUS INJURY? BRIAN: FOR ME, YEAH, ANYTHING IS SERIOUS WHEN YOU DON'T DO ANYTHING. I SUFFERED A HEAD INJURY. I WAS KICKED IN THE FACE BY MY SON WHILE WE WERE WRESTLING ON THE BED. HE'S 6, NOT 20. IT WOULD BE SUPER WEIRD IF HE WAS AN OLDER KID. HOME FROM COLLEGE, I'M LIKE TAKE YOUR SHIRT OFF, GET ON THE BED. CONAN: SO HE'S 6. I CAN RELATE TO THIS BECAUSE I HAVE A 10-YEAR-OLD AND WE STILL WRESTLE AND GOOF AROUND. BRIAN: WE WERE BOTH WEARING SPIDER-MAN MASK. THAT'S MY SUPERMAN [BEEP] YO. MY SON WAS WEARING THE TRADITIONAL BLUE AND RED SPIDER-MAN. I WAS WEARING THE BLACK COSTUME SPIDER-MAN SECRET WARS, READ A BOOK, NERDS. CONAN: I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT. BRIAN: IT'S A BOOK. BUT I WAS WEARING BLACK COSTUME. HE WAS WEARING BLUE AND RED. I DON'T KNOW HOW BOTH VERSIONS EXIST IN THAT UNIVERSE AND I WAS KIND OF PHONING IT IN THAT DAY. I'M A TIRED OLD DAD. I GOT MAYBE 10 MINUTES OF GOOD SOLID WRESTLING IN ME, THEN I START TO GET SLEEPY. MAYBE I GOT HIGH BEFORE I PICKED HIM UP AT SCHOOL. MAYBE IT'S NOT YOUR BUSINESS, YOU EVER THINK ABOUT THAT? SO I'M HIGH AND WRESTLING MY KID. CONAN: IN A SPIDER-MAN MASK. BRIAN: AND I START TO GET SLEEPY AND HE'S BORED BECAUSE HE'S 6 AND HE'S LIKE OH, MY GOD WHY DO I HAVE FAT OLD [BEEP] DAD WHEN EVERYBODY AT SCHOOL HAS FUN YOUNG COOL DAD SO HE DECIDED TO KICK IT UP A NOTCH BY KICKING ME IN THE FACE AND I DIDN'T SEE IT COMING BECAUSE MY EYES WERE CLOSED AND I WISH I HAD DIED. LIKE. CONAN: WHAT? BRIAN: YOU WISH YOU HAD -- I WISH I HAD DIED NOT BECAUSE IT HURT THAT BAD. IT HURT REALLY BAD AND I HAD TO GO TO A CHIROPRACTOR SIX TIMES AND THEY'RE DICKS. BUT NO, I WISH I HAD DIED BECAUSE IT WOULD HAVE [BEEP] UP MY KID. HOLD ON. BECAUSE IF YOU KICK YOUR DAD TO DEATH, WHILE YOU'RE BOTH WEARING SPIDER-MAN MASKS, THAT'S GOING TO SCREW UP A COUPLE OF THINGS FOR YOU IN LIFE, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? LIKE FATHER'S DAY'S GOING TO BLOW FOREVER. YOU'RE PROBABLY GOING TO HATE SUPER HEROS NOW. ANDY: IT'S DEFINITELY GOING TO RUIN KICKING PEOPLE IN THE FACE. BRIAN: THAT'S GONE. ANDY: THE JOY OF THAT IS DEAD.

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