Brian Posehn Has “Star Wars” Stockholm Syndrome

September 21, 2016

Brian Posehn

Brian realizes that he talks about Star Wars in the same cowed nervous tones as a battered spouse.

TranscriptYOU TALK ABOUT HOW YOU'RE A SELF PROFESSED NERD. YOU EMBRACE THE THINGS YOU LOVE FROM NERDDOM. WHAT ARE THE NERDY THINGS YOU ARE INTO THIS DAYS? BRIAN: I LIKE "STAR WARS" AGAIN. IT'S MASSIVE BECAUSE I HATED IT BECAUSE BEFORE THAT I LOVED IT AND THEN -- CONAN: BEFORE WHAT? BRIAN: BEFORE I HATED IT, I LOVED IT, BUT THEN I TOOK WHAT "STAR WARS" DID TO ME REALLY PERSONALLY. I DON'T KNOW IF YOU KNOW ANY OTHER 50-YEAR-OLD NERDS THAT WERE MAD AT A MOVIE BUT I'M ONE OF THEM. CONAN: YOU LIKED THE FIRST THREE? BRIAN: THE LIKED THE FIRST AND I TOOK THE PREQUELS AND SPECIAL EDITIONS LIKE THEY WERE DONE TO ME PERSONALLY. SO LAST YEAR WHEN PEOPLE WERE EXCITED ABOUT "FORCE AWAKENS" I WAS LIKE, THEY'RE NOT TRICKING ME AGAIN. AND MY FRIENDS ARE LIKE, DUDE, WHAT ABOUT HAN AND CHEWY, DID YOU SEE THE TRAILER OF HAN AND CHEWY AND I WAS LIKE I DIDN'T FEEL ANYTHING, MY HEART'S MADE OF TURDS BUT THEN I SAW IT AND WENT OPENING DAY AND I CRIED. I CRIED DURING THE WHOLE THING. I CRIED AT THE SCROLL. LUKE SKYWALKER'S VANISHED, I WAS. [CRYING] BRIAN: I CRIED WHEN THEY SHOWED THE MILLENNIUM FALCON. I WAS LIKE MY FAVORITE SHIP FROM LIFE. SUPER EMOTIONAL. MY WIFE WAS LIKE DID YOU LIKE IT? I SAID I LOVED IT AND SHE SAID YOU CRIED DURING THE WHOLE DAMN THING. I'M LIKE I'M EMOTIONAL. SHE GOES YOU CAN TALK ABOUT IT TO YOUR BUDDY RICK AND WE GO TO MY BUDDY RICK'S HOUSE AND I'M EXCITED ABOUT TALKING ABOUT "STAR WARS" AND I'M LIKE DUDE "FORCE AWAKENS," I LOVED IT, HE WAS LIKE I HATED IT AND WE FOUGHT FOR THREE HOURS. EVERYTHING HE SAID I HAD AN ANSWER TO. HE WAS LIKE THE PLOT FELT TOO FAMILIAR AND I'M LIKE FAMILIAR, LIKE COMFORT FOOD, LIKE MASHED POTATOES, YOU DUMB DICK, THAT SOUNDS TERRIBLE, A MOVIE MADE OF MASHED POTATOES. THEN WE JUST FOUGHT EVERYTHING. I'M DEFENDING "STAR WARS," HE'S CRAPPING ON "STAR WARS," I'M DEFENDING "STAR WARS" WHICH I REALIZED IS ONE OF THE SIGNS OF ABUSE, DEFENDING YOUR ABUSER, STOCKHOLM SYNDROME. I HAVE "STAR WARS" SYNDROME BECAUSE MY FRIENDS ARE LIKE "STAR WARS" SUCKS AND I'M LIKE YOU DON'T KNOW "STAR WARS" ANYMORE. "STAR WARS" TREATS ME LIKE AN ANGEL WHEN NO ONE'S AROUND. YOU EVER THINK THE PHANTOM MENACE WAS MY FAULT? I DID SOMETHING BAD, MADE "STAR WARS" MAD.

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