CONAN: Recently there was an announcement that China's number one television show return of the pro princess is being dubbed into English for American audiences, OK?
This is a huge show.
The show is about the adventures of a Chinese princess in the year 1759 during the Chen dynasty.
And they just love China.
They just love this show.
For some reason the producers of the return of the pro princess asked Andy and I to be the English voices that they dub in for American audiences.
[Cheers and applause]
They just heard that like yeah, these are big guys in America.
They're a big deal.
They shouldn't do it.
They didn't do their research clearly.
The offer came in and we had to say yes.
So the other day we -- Andy and I went to a production studio in north Hollywood.
This all really happened.
Well, here's the deal.
Check it out.
CONAN: Hey, Andy and I are here at bang zoom studios and we're here for a very special project.
This is Brandt.
You have the number one show in China.
You've come to America and you're letting us be the English voices of the show.
This is a terrible mistake, I'm warning you, just so you know.
We were honest upfront.
Your career is through.
Let's destroy the most beloved show in China.
Can you tell us basically what we're doing?
>> Basically we're going to take this Chinese dialogue and dub it into English.
ANDY: Is it episode 22?
>> Episode 22 and we have scene one.
CONAN: I think we have our motivation and I think we're ready to go.
Your majesty, please pardon me for telling.
ANDY: Who told you to investigate?
CONAN: It was the emperor?
ANDY: Do you have the documents?
CONAN: I lost them.
Listen, we got a little behind.
I won't let that happen again.
>> All right.
CONAN: This script is fine but Andy and I are professionals an we -- and we love to add a little spice this go around.
ANDY: Oh, your majesty!
Why are you wearing the royal bath towels?
CONAN: I was told to wear this.
ANDY: Not me.
I was told by the ladies of "The View" wear this.
CONAN: Which one?
Whoopi's never been funny.
Don't you talk to me that way.
That's just a better scene.
>> Very good.
ANDY: Take off your mask.
CONAN: Now listen to me, when the prince is speaking you will remain silent.
Is that understood?
Now, which one of you took the magic corn cob?
I have nothing to do with this corn cob.
I got this knife online.
ANDY: I want to see whatever Cutlery you have.
CONAN: I won't show you any Cutlery.
You won't get to see the nobody on my hat hereth -- either.
ANDY: I haven't had any Tylenol.
>> Very quickly hit a purple high school began.
-- very quickly hit a purple hooligan?
ANDY: That was fun.
You ready for more?
CONAN: Who else wants to talk?
>> They take delicious.
They're high in salt.
CONAN: Let me understand what I just saw.
There's a tough guy on the ground, the purple hooligan.
And the good guy shut him up, kick as dumpling into his mouth.
IAN: In the wild west they use six shooters in the Chen dynasty they use dumplings.
CONAN: I think they're high in dumplings.
ANDY: There's no dipping sauce.
>> Here are the emperor's orders.
ANDY: There was some sexy action.
CONAN: Shut up.
I'm trying to get into the mind of a Tibetan priest.
Hey, as it turns out sy changed her mind.
She no longer married air king.
Now she wants to marry air ty.
CONAN: I told you it would be the other way.
Now I'm in a pickle.
ANDY: Let's go get pickles.
CONAN: I don't even know what they are.
This is not an easy one.
ANDY: You know just as well as I do, there are so many misunderstandings and so many problems.
CONAN: It's true what you say, but I didn't rehears this part and now I'm just filling in.
And now, yes!
I know what we can do.
Now, we can do it --
ANDY: I do love lingonberries.
CONAN: You're talking like a mad man.
There's meat ball stew.
ANDY: I can say what I want.
Look, let's just get out of here and go to Ikea like you said.
They don't take Chinese currency.
CONAN: Wait a minute.
I've got one more thing to say.
I think it's important that you stop going like this while I'm talking to you.
That's rude to keep saying those things -- those noises that you're making.
Now, -- I love you.
CONAN: Bran, what did you think of the work me and Andy did, did you enjoy it?
CONAN: I was just informed minutes ago by the treasury that we have erased America Reese debt, financial debt from China.
Completely erased and Andy and I are being awarded congressional medals.
>> Thank you, Conan.
CONAN: Ruined that show.
[Cheers and applause]