1. Conan Auditions For TV Commercials

Conan Auditions For TV Commercials

Conan's tired of the late night game, and wants to get in on the lucrative IHOP spokesman racket.


CONAN: I'm here in Killion's workshop in Hollywood.
This is Killion.
You have been training people for a number of years.
Killion: Yes.
CONAN: In the art, the craft of commercial work.
Killion: The yes.
I've been doing it for about nine years, teaching people how to book commercials and to audition properly.
CONAN: I feel I could learn and I feel my late night career has held me back on the commercial work.
On the weekends -- you know, I have kids and a wife, but there's friction there so maybe on the weekends I could book commercials?
Killion: Exactly.
Let's see one and see what you do.
CONAN: My name is Conan O'Brien.
And I -- OK.
I have a question about seafood.
Is it 21 shrimp or 21 shrimps?
I got to know because there is this great-tasting dinner deal going on at the international house of pancakes.
Delicious deep sea dinner deal.
What if I have the fish and shrimp deal?
Not great.
Killion: I'd agree.
CONAN: You would agree?
Killion: It wasn't bad-bad.
CONAN: I thought you were going to say don't be crazy, that was great.
Killion: That's correct.
I'm not saying that.
CONAN: Be honest with me.
What was wrong?
Killion: Not that there was anything wrong with it per se.
It just wasn't right.
CONAN: You look up wrong in the dictionary, it says not right.
I'm like a cat ready to pounce.
Clients just heard that I'm an incredibly eager coiled feline.
I don't mind the client hearing that.
Killion: I'm going to cut at this moment.
What's your name?
CONAN: Conan O'Brien.
I got this question about shrimp.
If it says 21 shrimp is it 21 shrimp or 21 shrimps?
I got this great deal at the natural house of pancakes.
Killion: Cut.
Too much hands.
CONAN: What's wrong with using my hands?
Killion: I'm not saying be robot guy.
But if you take that energy and bring it into your body --
CONAN: I'm going to do a turn.
Killion: We can try that.
We don't really do that in commercial auditions.
CONAN: Can I make one suggestion to you?
Start trying stuff.
I have a question about shrimp.
Is it 21 shrimp or 21 shrimps.
I need to know because there's this great deal -- oh, I was trying to go fast.
To make room for the pause I took.
Killion: I saw.
CONAN: How did that work?
Well, we both know that didn't work.
Help me.
Killion: So what is really going on in the scene?
CONAN: Someone is wondering, is it shrimp or shrimps.
Killion: And why is that important in his life?
CONAN: I guess he has a neurological disorder.
Killion: Or?
It's such a great deal he doesn't want it to get it wrong.
CONAN: Does that work with you?
The or?
Killion: It just emphasizes other points of view.
Or --
CONAN: It's annoying.
I have a question about seafood and shrimp.
If you say 21 shrimp, is it 21 shrimp or 21 shrimps?
I got to know because there is this great deal going on.
They have another tasty deal, fish and shrimp dinner.
Lots of fish or shrimps?
Oh, it's getting worse.
What if I decide to have the fish and shrimp deal?
Do I say fish and shrimp or shrimps?
And I can't satisfy my wife or hold a job!
Kill me.
Killion: What's your name?
CONAN: You know my name.
Killion: Moving on, this is called the bite and smile.
You bite into it and you smile.
And the line is wow, Greg, this burger is amazing.
CONAN: Wow, Greg?
Who is Greg?
Killion: Whoever you want it to be in the scene.
CONAN: But not my male lover?
Killion: You can have any back story you like.
CONAN: How about if I just recently discovered I was gay and I met Greg and he completely changed my life --
Killion: A bite of Greg?
CONAN: In a sense.
It shouldn't matter what the relationship to Greg is.
Killion: In life it shouldn't.
CONAN: I agree.
Killion: When you tell the audience what's happening that's called indicating.
CONAN: I never took an acting class, but I would think it would be hello -- when I'm watching a movie I would appreciate it if a character came out and said "hello, I'm evil.”
That would help.
They don't do that enough.
Killion: They don't because that's called indicating because most people can figure out who the evil one is.
That's part of the fun of going to the movies.
CONAN: Well, you use your turn signals, you avoid an accident.
Now I'm a new man.
Have not called the wife yet.
Still have the wedding ring.
Killion: I noticed that.
CONAN: But I'm going to call her.
Now I'm with Greg.
Killion: Action.
CONAN: I love Greg.
That's a really great burger, Greg.
Killion: Cut.
We want to have the eyes up.
We didn't really see the eyes as you bit.
They were closed.
CONAN: I'll try to open my eyes.
Killion: It's not me, it's the client.
CONAN: That's what the Germans said.
The client wants it, the client will get it!
Killion: If the camera can't see your eyes, the camera can't see the story.
CONAN: Right.
I'm a little insecure.
You've got nice eyes.
I have beady little creepy --
Killion: Well, when you do that --
CONAN: Creepy.
Burger, burger.
I look like a rat right now.
Killion: You want to try to avoid that.
OK, let's do this again.
CHRIS: Great burger, Greg.
Do you mind if I -- I brought along a few hats and that might help me.
Greg's his partner, they ride around in the squad car together.
Killion: And that's where we end it?
CONAN: Had sex last night?
Let's try it.
Killion: Ready, action.
Eyes up, eyes up, eyes up.
CONAN: [in Irish accent]
Oh, that's quite a burger, Greg.
That's quite a burger.
Hey, Greg, this is a great burger.
Ha ha.
Glad you're my lover.
OK, clearly I'm in a vehicle.
Killion: Car.
CONAN: Car commercials are huge.
Teach me how.
Killion: I'm going to narrate the scenarios.
And action.
Driving along, driving along, all of a sudden storm clouds show up.
And it's raining, like Katrina rain.
You are driving along, driving along and all of a sudden this newspaper flies in your windshield.
You look nervous when all these storms are happening.
CONAN: Yeah.
So you said Katrina is coming.
And you don't want me to look nervous?
Killion: What kind of car are you driving?
CONAN: A car that no hurricane, even the strongest hurricane recorded in the last 50 years, can disturb this car.
Killion: That's right.
Because what we're really selling is not a car, it's safety and security.
CONAN: I see.
So no matter what happens -- right now I'm driving the ford delusion.
Driving, driving, what do I care?
Now we're driving along, and now it's like rain but Katrina rain.
Driving along.
Driving along the.
Killion: Now a bike messenger hits your car.
You're in the deluge.
CONAN: Wait a minute.
You're saying I hit a guy on a bike, but because I'm in such a nice luxury car, I don't give a shit?
That's crazy!
This car is making me immoral!
I hit a guy on a bike during Katrina and you want me to be like, oh, feel that leather.
Do not worry about human beings.
Killion: So we're driving along, driving along, and all of a sudden this bike messenger hits your car.
Allison: Hi, I'm Allison.
Are you ready to do this?
Woman: Why don't we start with the jewelry one.
Tell me your name.
Lindsay: I'm lindsay.
Woman: And you are, sir?
CONAN: I think we know.
Conan O'Brien.
Woman: Just try to make it as real as you can.
It's a heartfelt moment.
And action.
CONAN: I got something for you.
It's in this box.
To make this an incredible year.
This was expensive.
Lindsay: I love it!
CONAN: It cost a lot of money.
Lindsay: It's beautiful.
CONAN: Yeah, yeah we should --
Lindsay: Thank you so much.
CONAN: We should have sex.
Woman: You know what might be about?
Maybe think those thoughts in your head --
CONAN: I am.
Woman: But maybe don't verbalize that.
CONAN: That's what the police said.
Woman: And action.
CONAN: I got something for you.
Lindsay: You did?
CONAN: Yeah.
Let's make this an incredible year.
Lindsay: Oh, my god, it's beautiful!
Thank you!
I really love it.
CONAN: Well, I hope so.
It's the one you told me you wanted.
Pointed it out.
Very passive-aggressive.
Woman: Good.
CONAN: Could you use any of that?
Woman: You know, I thought the beginning was really good.
I want to do it one more time.
The yeah, I thought you were feeling it but it was a little creepy.
CONAN: Not the first time I've heard this.
Woman: And action.
CONAN: I got something for you.
Let's make this an incredible year.
Lindsay: It's really beautiful!
CONAN: How's that?
Woman: The end you looked into the camera and gave a smile that came off as --
CONAN: It's amazing jewelry.
Announcer: Masterson jewelry, the jewelry store for creeps.