1. Conan Hunts Down His Assistant's Stolen "Gigolos" Mug

Conan Hunts Down His Assistant's Stolen "Gigolos" Mug

Conan's assistant Sona Movsesian is pissed that her special coffee mug has gone missing. Detective Conan springs into action to investigate the possible theft, but discovers rampant dysfunction throughout the office.

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Transcript:

CONAN: You know, I'm not just the host of "Conan," I'm also the spiritual leaders for over 3,000 Conan staff members.
It's come to my attention that someone on staff that's very close to me had something valuable missing, possibly even stolen.
It's my job to solve this mystery as quickly as possible.
Let's go.
Chicken.
[Laughter]
You're my assist at that particular time, are you not?
>> Yes.
CONAN: How long have you worked for me?
>> Two and a half years.
Coy I know this is a complete abuse of the E-mail but if you sent, if you stole my gigolos mug.
>> What's gigolo?
>> It's a show on called "gigolos."
CONAN: Real gigolos.
>> My friend Megan gave me the gift.
It says gigolos on one side and the other side says working stiff.
CONAN: Like a joke?
>> Like it's a stiff.
Like working stiff?
Like a penis is stiff.
CONAN: All right, stop.
You like the occasional drink?
>> That is completely -- completely --
CONAN: Is it possible you had a little drinky Winky --
>> I had a drinky like this morning?
CONAN: No, like late in the day.
Do you ever drink at work?
[Laughter]
Leave it alone.
What's this?
Do you drink out of this?
>> I do drink out of that.
CONAN: Is it a cool logo or something?
>> It's an astronaut with a boom box.
CONAN: You're in charge of my life, are you not?
>> Yes, I am.
CONAN: Are you aware that her gigolos mug is missing?
>> Yes.
People just take shit all the time.
CONAN: What's been stolen of yours?
Tell me, I'm concerned.
I'm not just the host of the show.
>> Someone stole me booze --
CONAN: This isn't work?
[Laughter]
>> Down time.
CONAN: This is what detectives in the 1920's did.
Sonia's missing a mug that promotes a show with male pornography.
I want to find it because I'm not just the host but I'm the spiritual leader for 4,000 -- home people do we have on stap?
>> It's 185.
I think that's true.
When people ask --
You can go ahead, though.
CONAN: No, you just --
[Laughter]
Is there anything missing of yours?
>> You know what, not in a long time.
But a few year ago, someone stole my really nice head phones right off the desk.
CONAN: I'll pay for it.
How much were they?
>> Like $500.
CONAN: I thought it was going to be $40.
I don't have that kind of money.
What's your name?
>> My name is John.
CONAN: Excuse me, Kramer, how dare you?
I'm trying to conduct an investigation here.
Hang up the -- hang up the phone!
I see you had fried chicken.
Is that Kentucky fried chicken?
>> It is.
>> Lindsay tezz that alcohol was taken from her desk.
Do you keep alcohol on your desk?
>> No.
I should though.
CONAN: Why?
>> Because it would make the day more fun.
Do you keep alcohol?
CONAN: Because I'm Irish?
No, I done take alcohol.
I'm not a big drinker.
[Laughter]
How's the chicken, by the way?
CONAN: I love Kentucky fried chicken.
Finest chicken made.
What the hell was that?
Colonel -- what is young with everybody on this set?
Did you take it?
>> I did not.
CONAN: You're a liar.
>> I'm not a liar.
Why would I take the mug?
>> Why did you take the mug?
Tell me you didn't and I won't fire you.
>> I didn't.
CONAN: Why did you want a "gigolos" mug for?
>> That's insane.
CONAN: What kind of a place is this?
I'm the spiritual leader of over 10,000 staff members --
>> That explains a lot about this case.
CONAN: We just got a crack in the case.
We believe that staff member named R.J. may have the mug.
Where does R.J. work?
What building is that?
>> Building 44.
CONAN: This is the most I've walked in Los Angeles in three years.
R.J., good to see you.
>> Good to see you.
CONAN: We are looking for a mug, a gigolos mug.
>> Yeah, I think it's right here.
CONAN: Why do you have this mug?
>> An intern brought it over.
CONAN: This is incredible.
This isn't your fault.
An intern brought it to you.
>> Correct.
CONAN: And now it's my job to see that an unpaid intern is fired.
R.J., thank you.
Get in here.
Let's just hold each other for a while.
>> All right.
[Laughter]
>> My eyes are closed.
I don't know why.
CONAN: Tada!
Ah!
Oh, come on!
>> That's nice.
CONAN: R.J., he said an intern brought it over.
How would an intern -- why would an intern take a mug on the desk?
It's in the cabinet in the kitchen.
CONAN: Wait, you left this in the cabinet the kitchen and then you're wondering why it was missing.
You made it sound like it was stolen off your desk.
>> Thank you for finding this.
CONAN: Oh, thank you.
How long did that take.
I spent an hour of my day finding it.
And it took how long to get a thank you.
Put a timer on that and just show it at the bottom like that.
Yeah, that's how long it took.
Thank yous go a long way.
>> You're welcome would be better than what you did.
[Laughter]
That's why I don't say thank you to you ever just because that's what you do.
You see?
I don't say thank you -- and then you go, oh, say thank you.
What an exciting moment in life this is.
[Laughter]
Yeah.
Incredible.
Yeah.
CONAN: Now let's work on the show.
[Cheers and applause]