Conan Returns Another Joke

March 22, 2018

When a pun-based joke about Judd Apatow fails to get any laughs, Conan calls up the Jokes Returns & Exchanges department.

TranscriptAnd Judd Apatow is here. Love Judd Apatow. That got me thinking. That got me thinking when Judd Apatow is working on his computer and drops it on his foot I wonder if people call him Judd laptop ow. No. [laughter] I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You're right. That was just awful. That was terrible. Look, just -- that's awful. Give me that. Give me that. Give me that! This is a piece of shit. Look at this. We're going -- and what if people call him Judd laptop ow? This is so stupid. Let me just check this out. Here we go. I'm going to make a phone call. [dialing] [phone ringing snfment [ >> Returns and exchanges. This is brithica. How may I significant you? CONAN: I would like to return a joke please. >> I would be happy to help you with that but would you take a brief customer survey? CONAN: I'm busy. I can't do that. >> Are you late for your little league game? CONAN: I'm an adult. I'm in the middle of taping a television show. >> Oh, I love TV. Do you know that -- the travago guy? CONAN: I don't know the travago guy. >> Maybe you'll get to meet him when you grow up and get famous. CONAN: I'm grown up. >> Now, regarding the laughter your joke received, would you say it received not enough laughter, too much laughter, or just the right amount of laughter? CONAN: Definitely not enough laughter. >> Because of your weird voice? CONAN: No. [laughter] a lot of people like my voice. >> People with pet crows? CONAN: Can I please just return the joke? >> You know what? I'm feeling some hostility here. So let me get my manager. Hold, please. [hold music] >> Make your good Friday a great Friday with 30% off all Easter jokes. You'll be saying he has risen and I is saving. >> How can I help you? CONAN: Yeah. Just trying to return a joke that didn't work. >> OK, sweetie. Can you please hand the phone to your mommy or daddy? CONAN: Can I please just exchange the joke? >> I can do better. I'm sending one of our technicians out to fix your joke. It won't make it funnier but it will result in a lot of cheap unearned applause. CONAN: Frankly, at this point I will take that. Thank you very much. >> Happy to help. And tell Judd Apatow to be careful with his computer. Otherwise, he might have a Judd laptop ow. >> Laptop ow? That's classic. Now you're funny. CONAN: Right. Wow. That was comically fast. All right. Can we go? Thank you. All right. Let's see -- this is going to work fine. Go ahead. Here we go. We got a great show tonight. Judd Apatow is here. And he directed funny people and co-created the Netflix show "love." Do you know what's not funny? My love for these United States of America. The greatest country in the world. The greatest country in the world. The greatest country in the world. That's right. That's right. Also tonight, star of "Jessica Jones" Krysten Ritter is here. Rozes and Nicky Romero. We'll take a break and be right back. [cheers and applause]