1. NBA Mascots That Should Never Dunk 05/22/13

NBA Mascots That Should Never Dunk 05/22/13

We're not sure what team these crappy mascots represent, but they can't be any good.

Check out this web exclusive slideshow of 55 Basketball Mascots Who Should Never Dunk.

Transcript:

CONAN: Man, these are bad.
First up, a terrible guy to drunk, it's a guy trapped in a folding bed, this is a mascot, a guy trapped in a folding bed.
He is going to dunk.
Here we go.
Drum roll, please.
And go for it guy in a folding bed, there we go!
Oh!
This is the best part.
ANDY: Make him do it himself.
CONAN: Help him for God sakes!
Get him to safety.
[Cheers and Applause]
CONAN: Almost looks sexy, almost.
ANDY: I know.
This next mascot is all about playing through the pain.
It's the med evaced injured hiker.
That's right, are you ready med evaced injured hiker?
And go!
Oh!
[Applause]
CONAN: That was close!
Get him out of here.
Be careful with the neck.
The neck!
Oh, that leg looks bad.
He just dropped it.
[Laughter]
CONAN: They're improvising now, always dangerous.
Ladies and gentlemen, the next mascot is way too self-involved.
It's the octopus taking sophies.
He has his various cameras there.
Let's see some of those, just curious, oh, nice.
Very good.
Very nice.
OK, and go octopus.
Go!
[Applause]
CONAN: That was pretty good, Andy.
ANDY: Thanks.
CONAN: And then it would look like he did it.
[Laughter]
ANDY: Now they're just taunting him.
CONAN: The saddest part is just watching them walk away.
They're hanging out together.
This next mascot is working his way through grad school.
It's the guy behind the counter at a gas station in a very dangerous part of town.
[Applause]
[Laughter]
CONAN: He is really nervous.
All right, guy working his way through grad school in a dangerous part of town at a gas station, drum roll and go for it!
[Applause]
CONAN: I need to see that in slow motion, please.
I want to see that in slow motion.
That guy got nowhere!
And oh!
Oh, my God!
[Cheers and Applause]
[Laughter]
[Cheers and Applause]
CONAN: I love just pathetically trying to make this professional somehow.
We wouldn't want one of these stupid mascots to trip.
This last mascot is an arcade favorite from the 1980's who gets zero point when it comes to self-control, it's binge-eating Pacman.
Let's get binge-eating Pacman out here.
All right, binge-eating Pacman, you're our last hope.
If you can't do it, no one can.
Drum roll and go!
[Applause]
CONAN: He is OK!
[Cheers and Applause]
CONAN: One more try?
Let's give him one more try!
[Cheers and Applause]
CONAN: One more try for binge-eating Pacman.
The crowd is behind you.
They saw what guts you have!
Go!
[Cheers and Applause]
CONAN: We got to stop.
He is going to die.
Is he OK?
All right, that's enough.
You have proven yourself, all right.
[Cheers and Applause]