1. When Hannibal Buress Met Scarlett Johansson

When Hannibal Buress Met Scarlett Johansson

Hannibal was chatting Scarlett up in line for the restroom, but no matter how pretty she is, Hannibal wasn't gonna let her cut in line.

Transcript:

CONAN: You have had a lot of success and it's growing and you are starting to get, I would imagine you are starting to get noticed by people from your standup.
Starting to get recognized.
Have you had that where you have people recognize you?
HANNIBAL: Yes.
CONAN: It's exciting.
Like do you have V.I.P.'s recognize you?
HANNIBAL: Yeah, one guy told me Scarlett Johansson was a gig -- big fan.
I thought, why didn't she just tell me? I'm easy to reach.
I didn't know what to do with that information.
Like, what the next step?
Two months after that I see her at a club and I said hey, man, introduce me, I heard she's a fan but don't tell her, just introduce me regular style.
She says Scarlett this is Hannibal, Hannibal this is Scarlett. She says, Hannibal I'm a huge fan of your standup.
I said, thank you, Scarlett, I'm a huge fan of pictures of you.
HANNIBAL: You can't say that to people! You don't say that type of stuff.
CONAN: So what happened?
Did you become friends?
HANNIBAL: No, well, they was real nice.
Very nice.
Two months later in the same club in New York, I turn around, Scarlett Johansson is directly behind me.
CONAN: In line for the bathroom?
HANNIBAL: In line for the bathroom.
so we speak briefly because we're very cool now.
I think most dudes, you're next in line, Scarlett Johansson right behind you, you let her go ahead.
But you know what?
I'm not that dude.
I love you in Avengers, Scarlett. But I still got to pee.
Everybody in this world got to pee.
CONAN: You held your ground?
I would have let her go first.
HANNIBAL: I was thinking maybe in her mind she was thinking, Hannibal didn't let me go ahead while most punk ass dudes would have.
I should marry this dude. You never how women's minds work.
CONAN: You never know.
HANNIBAL: I was pretty drunk that night I was pretty faded and whenever she would walk past me at the club I would go, Scarlett! Scarlett!
I don't think it with work out with us.
But you live and you learn.
ANDY: You should have learned that in seventh grade! Scarlett!
CONAN: Scarlett!
HANNIBAL: That didn't work.
But I was just, you know -- alcohol.
CONAN: You can end any story that went badly with "alcohol.
Is this true that you got a show?
I heard the exciting news you got a show picked up on comedy central.
Is that right?
Exciting news.
HANNIBAL: I have a pilot for comedy central but they haven't picked it up but I just said that they did.
CONAN: You didn't just say they did.
You tweeted I am happy to announce that comedy channel has picked up my series "unemployable" for 10 episodes.
Did you make that up?
HANNIBAL: I didn't make it up.
I just kind of put my dreams out into the world.
[LAUGHTER]
CONAN: Did you just send out that one tweet?
HANNIBAL: Well, you're supposed to follow up on your dreams.
I just wanted to put good energy out there.
CONAN: You put up another one?
That is fantastic.
HANNIBAL: It's good energy.
Positive energy.
CONAN: I like -- that's great.
It's not lying, not deceiving.
HANNIBAL: It's just saying, I see the future and it involves you all picking up my show or let's make it weird.
CONAN: And if you get in any legal trouble, you can just say, "alcohol."