1. Harland Williams Interview Pt. 1 02/04/13

Harland Williams Interview Pt. 1 02/04/13

Harland Williams discovered the real reason for the Super Bowl blackout: Beyonce's inhumanly powerful thighs.

Transcript:

CONAN: Did you like the Super Bowl halftime show?
HARLAND WILLIAMS: Oh, Beyonce, good Lord in heaven, huh, guy.
Beyonce has those giant legs.
I mean, she has healthy legs.
I don't think even Paul Bunyan has legs that big.
She was stomping around.
Did you see her stomping all over, she just can't walk normally.
She stomps everywhere like there are ants on the ground and trying to kill them.
I think that's why the power went out, she was stomping so much.
I would like to see her on the hurt locker, hello.
By the way, "Ghost Rider," can you tell I'm excited?
CONAN: Who is ghost rider, me?
HARLAND WILLIAMS: That's a little nickname.
CONAN: That's fine corncob, old sack of marshmallows
HARLAND WILLIAMS: I just got cast in alien 9.
[Laughter]
ANDY: Trying to cast that for years.
HARLAND WILLIAMS: Some guy dropped out because he couldn't understand French.
Good grief.
Winner.
CONAN: Harland, we talk about everything whenever you're on the show.
We chat about any issue.
How is your love life?
HARLAND WILLIAMS: Sweet heavenly Terry turkey yaki wonder bread.
Women I'm finding are very sensitive.
You're married?
CONAN: Yes.
HARLAND WILLIAMS: Are you married?
ANDY: Yes.
HARLAND WILLIAMS: Women are very sensitive.
One point in particular you got to watch what you say.
It's just before the love making happens.
A woman starts taking off her clothes.
She gets down to that last piece of fabric before she takes it off and she is standing there nude, don't say this -- oh, hell no!
[Laughter]
CONAN: You said that?
HARLAND WILLIAMS: They get mad and the longer you drag out the hell, the madder they get.
I did one of the other night, oh, heeeellll no.
CONAN: You can't say that, that's terrible.
HARLAND WILLIAMS: I'm in alien 9.
Who cares, I'm going to get chicks left, right, and center.
CONAN: You're a cocky guy.
You look a lot to the side, that's what a cocky guy does.
HARLAND WILLIAMS: That's what you do when you're half sea turtle.
CONAN: I was going to ask you about that.
I was checking out the cover of your D.V.D., "force of nature,"
look at this, why are you a turtle there, Harland?
It actually kind of works.
HARLAND WILLIAMS: It works because I have no chin.
It really works.
I shot my special out in the middle of nature.
They thought it would be a great cover to have me as a tortoise.
CONAN: You think that's going to get the word out on the D.V.D.?
HARLAND WILLIAMS: Why not.
CONAN: Yeah, that could work.
HARLAND WILLIAMS: I love nature.