1. Kevin Hart's Deepest Fears Are Weirdly Specific

Kevin Hart's Deepest Fears Are Weirdly Specific

Anybody can be scared of naked attackers or a bum, but Kevin takes it to a whole other level of particular craziness.

Transcript:

CONAN: we just saw you wearing this outfit, this incredible outfit.
KEVIN: A one piece.
CONAN: And the way you talk, the way you conduct yourself, you seem fearless to me.
You seem like you fear nothing.
KEVIN: That's not true.
I've got a couple of fears, Conan.
I mean, super man has a Kryptonite.
That was me trying to call myself invincible.
I'm going to be honest with you, when it comes to fighting, I will fight anybody.
My fear is fighting a man while he's make.
CONAN: You don't want to fight a naked man.
What's the big problem fighting a make man?
KEVIN: I go low.
I've got to get your legs.
And my fear is going to get your legs and getting hit on the forehead with something.
It's a fear.
Like it's a real fear.
You guys are laughing.
There's no way to bounce back from that.
CONAN: No, no, no.
KEVIN: When it reaches your head, the fight's over.
There's literally nothing to do because you're going to freak out.
I don't want to do anything I don't want to do.
What if my girl's watching?
What do I say?
Why did you go for his legs?
I didn't know what to do.
That's a fear of mine.
CONAN: So if you were attacked by a make man, there was nothing else you could do.
KEVIN: You submit.
CONAN: Not like that.
KEVIN: Not submit like that.
Submit like that -- you don't want to problem, man.
You don't want it to get to a wrestle-off.
Not with a naked dude.
ANDY: You've given anybody who wanted to beat you up the key to it now.
You're going to be attacked by naked men left and right.
KEVIN: I deserve to lose.
That means God has a message for me and he wants to talk to me.
CONAN: What's the message?
KEVIN: I don't know either.
But if men want to attack me, I don't know what to do.
CONAN: What else are you aFriday of weirder than that that you're afraid of?
KEVIN: A bum flicking my lip.
CONAN: What?
KEVIN: A bum.
A bum -- a hobo.
A guy with dirty hands that lives on the street.
I'm afraid of a guy like that flicking my lip.
CONAN: What?
You're afraid of a dirty man flipping your lips?
KEVIN: You're not thinking about the consequence.
Hear me out for a second.
The inside of your lip is a prized possession to you.
Now if somebody touches that, if somebody touches the inside of your lip, what do you do?
Once again it's just like getting hit in the head -- you've got to get a new lip.
Do you know where to get a new lip from?
Because I don't.
CONAN: I'm with you on that.
I don't want to get that on the head either again.
[Laughter]
[APPLAUSE]
It was college!
We were all trying stuff!
But the point is, but the lip thing, I don't understand --
KEVIN: Conan, if a stranger comes up to you, ob, I need money.
I say hey, Conan, give me a dollar.
You say what --
CONAN: Oh!
KEVIN: What do you do?
CONAN: I don't know.
KEVIN: That's where my fear comes in.
I don't want to be the guy like this after that happens and then he runs off not with no money but with my lip.
He's got my lip touch.
CONAN: Now, wait a minute, wait a minute, that's such a specific crazy fear.
KEVIN: I'm not -- no!
No!
No!
No!
CONAN: Go for it.
KEVIN: Nobody's supposed to see that.
I'm not supposed to know what that looks like.
I don't want my lip flicked, I'm sorry.
That's how I feel people.
You want to know me.
There, you got I.
CONAN: You're very honest, I'll give you that and a little strange.