1. Conan Visits A Pawn Shop

Conan Visits A Pawn Shop

Conan wants to make some extra scratch by pawning off some props & isn't afraid to use his assistant Sona as leverage.

Transcript:

I'm at the Hollywood pawnshop in Glendale, California.
Over the years I've built up a lot of memorabilia.
I thought I would come here in person, see if I can't trade some of it in and make a lot of money.
Because I'm told there's no way to do this over the Internet.
 [Laughter]
What is your name?
SARKUS: Sarkus.
CONAN: Sarkus.
JACK: Jack.
SARKUS: This is my brother.
CONAN: This is your brother?
Where are you from?
SARKUS: Armenia.
CONAN: Very nice.
I love Armenia.
SARKUS: Have you ever been there?
CONAN: No.
Don't worry about it.
I just said I loved it to be polite.
JACK: Go visit there, but don't stay too long.
CONAN: Really?
What happens if I stay too long.
JACK: Not safe.
CONAN: Do you work for the Armenian tourism?
Visit but don't stay too long, it's not safe.
Guess what? My assistant is Armenian.
Sona, maybe you can tell them what it's like working for me, for Conan owe Brian.
Maybe you can tell them in Armenian.
SONA: He is an awful, awful man whose buffoonary tortures me on a daily basis.
I know embarrassing secrets of his life that I will use to plaque mail him and get a lot of money.
That's the only reason I wock for this white -- will use to blackmail him.
That's the only reason I work for this white devil.
CONAN: I'm a celebrity.
I thought I could pawn some of my memorabilia here tonight and make some money.
Conan O'Brien head shot.
JACK: Sign it?
CONAN: Sure.
I'll sign it.
CONAN: How much?
JACK: $25.
CONAN: $25? But it's got my signature. What if I write something on it?
What if I admit to a murder?
If I say, yes, I did commit that murder.
You'll never catch me, Conan O'Brien.
That's a document.
It's proof of a murder.
JACK Probably $100 more.
CONAN: Yes!
Give me a pen.
I committed murder.
How much?
JACK: $125.
CONAN: Really?
That's all I get for my signed confession of murder?
Conan O'Brien, G.I. Joe.
G.I. Joe made by this G.I. Joe factory.
I don't know why it's wearing knee pads.
Embarrassing.
Now, I was hoping to get $12,000.
JACK: Sorry can't -- I can't help you.
CONAN: $500.
JACK: I would say more like $200.
CONAN: $220?
JACK: OK.
CONAN: $220.
[Cheers and applause]
One of a kind.
Masturbating bear.
Go ahead.
[Laughter]
Now we know your technique.
 [Laughter]
$35,000.
JACK: Not interested.
$25,000.
JACK: 50 bucks.
CONAN: This is the world's tallest dachshund.
[Laughter]
Here's what I'm asking -- $125,000.
I need it in cash.
JACK: We can't do it.
We shouldn't do it.
And we're not interested.
CONAN: Is it because it's a living animal?
JACK: Absolutely.
CONAN: Between us, what if, you know, I brought him back in an hour and he was stuffed?
[Laughter]
This dog seems a little scared right now.
You know why?
You have a Michael Vick poster back there.
[Buzzer]
CONAN: It's me.
It's made of various spare metal parts.
And when you turn the crank it does the same little dance I do at the top of the show.
[APPLAUSE]
$800,000.
JACK: $800.
CONAN: $800?
That's pretty good!
[Cheers and applause]
This.
 -- this is possibly one of the greatest paintings in the world.
This could hang in any museum.
I don't even want to talk price for a second.
I just want you to stare in wonder.
JACK: Who's in the painting?
CONAN: That's me.
You don't think I look like that?
JAC: No.
CONAN: Surely you're playing some false trick on me.
You're very good.
I admire you.
JACK: $2,000.
CONAN: $2,000?
OK.
[Cheers and applause]
I think I have one more thing to show you.
Guys, behold, the largest bobblehead in the world.
This is priceless.
JACK: It is very nice.
CONAN: To even put a money figure on this is insane.
I would like to start at $6 million and then move up from there.
JACK: $6 million is a lot of money for a bobblehead.
$10,000.
CONAN: $10,000?
Sona, I need you. I want $6 million for the bobblehead.
They're saying $10,000. I would like you to tell them what you think this is worth and how much you would prize the bobblehead. Use your own thoughts and your own words.
I will not edit you in any way.
SONA: What an asshole.
[Cheers and applause]