1. Triumph Crashes The World's Most Expensive Dog Wedding

Triumph Crashes The World's Most Expensive Dog Wedding

It's a lavish affair, and Rabbi Triumph is there to share the joy and the butt-sniffing.

Transcript:

CONAN: Someone decided to break the Guinness world record for most expensive pet wedding ever.
That's right.
It was a marriage between two dogs.
And it was a giant catered affair.
And it even featured a wedding cake made by the cake boss, OK?
And this was, you know, people were talking about it.
They were trying to break a world record.
This is the reason I'm bringing this up -- one of our very dear friends attended this pet wedding and we have a clip from the event.
Ladies and gentlemen, take a look.
>> When my reputation is on the line, I will do anything to make this perfect.
And you know what, this event was perfect.
>> This wedding was the most expensive pet wedding in history.
We got the number one lighting person, the most amazing wedding planner and it's truly been seriously like a fairytale.
>> I was very worried.
The only thing I said to him -- please, please, please don't make us cry.
[Cheers and applause]
TRIUMPH THE INSULT COMIC DOG: All of us are delighted to share your joy with your on your wedding day.
We're also delighted that we've gone 10 minutes up here and no one has taken a piss on the floor.
As we all know, a dog wedding is very different from a human one.
With humans, the husband waits until after the marriage to have his balls cut off.
When they took baby hope to get her fixed, she said start with the nose.
But fortunately, Jimmy, you can still lick yourself, which is something you need when you marry a Jewish girl.
[Laughter]
Tonight, we are breaking a Guinness record for most expensive dog wedding and the most expensive animal wedding not involving a Kardashian.
I offer you those words -- I know that neither of you have no idea what I'm saying.
I know that if these two dogs were able to talk tonight, they would look around this room and all that's been arranged and all that's been done for them and say this is [BEEP] insane!
Seriously, we're dogs!
And you are cuckoo, cuckoo!
Cuckoo, Cuckoo!
I now pronounce you dog and bitch!
Mazel tov!
[Cheers and applause]
CONAN: It's a great country we have!