Billy Gardell Thinks It’s Baloney When Actors Say They’re “Brave"

September 14, 2016

Billy says there's nothing courageous about an actor wearing makeup riding a dangerous horse.

TranscriptCONAN: YOU HAD A VERY LONG STAND-UP CAREER BEFORE -- BILLY: IS IT OVER? CONAN: NO, NO, NO. ANDY: THAT'S WHY WE BROUGHT YOU HERE TODAY. BILLY: IS THIS AN INTERVENTION? ANDY: HERE'S YOUR SHOWBIZ PINK SLEEP. CONAN: 40 MINUTES AGO, IT ENDED. YOU HAD A GREAT STAND-UP CAREER GOING BEFORE YOU GOT "MIKE & MOLLY." BILLY: IT WAS OK BEFORE "MIKE & MOLLY." CONAN: IT WAS OK BEFORE "MIKE & MOLLY," WHAT WAS THE TOUGHEST GIG YOU HAD? BILLY: I STARTED OUT IN 1987 AS A COMIC AND AROUND 1990 I WAS ON THE ROAD AND I GOT THIS GIG BECAUSE YOU TAKE GIGS WHEREVER YOU COULD, IT WAS THAT OR PAINTING HOUSES. MY MANAGER CALLS ME AND HE SAYS I GOT A GREAT JOB FOR YOU. HE DOESN'T CARE, AS LONG AS HE GETS THE COMMISSION. SO HE SENDS ME TO A STRIP CLUB. SO I GOT TO DO TWO WEEKS STRAIGHT AT A STRIP CLUB, 6:00, 9:00, MIDNIGHT SHOW. YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT GROWING YOUR LEATHER ON YOUR SKIN. THERE'S NAKED WOMEN EVERYWHERE. THE LIGHTS COME ON, THE MUSIC GOES OFF AND HERE I COME WOBBLING UP TO THE STAGE. YOU KNOW, THREE TIMES A NIGHT I GOT TO HEAR "SHOW TITS!"