1. Chris Kluwe Turns Swearing Into An Art Form

Chris Kluwe Turns Swearing Into An Art Form

Even though he curses up a blue streak, as long as there are no fatalities, the NFL leaves Chris alone.


CONAN: Now, Chris, thanks for being here, first of all.
This is a fascinating story.
It all started a player on the Baltimore ravens spoke out in defense of same sex marriage.
And I think the next day, almost immediately he's condemned by a member of Maryland's house of delegates.
CHRIS: Correct.
CONAN: You hear about this and you as a citizen you dash off a letter and you send it out and it goes viral and causes a sensation.
How did this -- where were you when you wrote the letter?
Was a long process of writing this letter?
What happened?
CHRIS: Not really.
I was getting ready to go to sleep and browsing the Internet.
The senator basically said to shut Brandon up.
I tried to lay down because I had practice the next week.
I was lying in bed and I literally couldn't go to sleep.
This is so [BEEP] up.
Why would you do this?
I knew I had to write something otherwise I wouldn't get to sleep.
I would really suck at practice.
CONAN: You wrote this letter.
I do encourage people to go online and read the letter because it's really well done.
But it was just in the heat of the moment that you wrote this.
CHRIS: Yeah.
I dashed it out in about an hour, hour and a half and sent it time-out dead spin and they published it and it went really big.
CONAN: The letter that you wrote displayed a real talent for colorful language that you seem to have, this.
CHRIS: The swearing.
CONAN: You gave us a tidbit.
You get creative with your swearing.
Do these things just occur to you?
CHRIS: It's an art form.
You have to work at it.
Really you have to put the hours in.
If you don't put the hours in, then it's just like anything else.
It won't turn out well.
CONAN: This is a great lesson for kids.
You to practice and put the time in.
CHRIS: I've got a couple.
CONAN: Let's hear these.
CHRIS: I like Alliteration.
So if you have paint fondling Turkey tit.
A short and obscure.
So if you say your face is like a squamis Choate.
CONAN: Andy's writing these down on his it's palm of his hand.
CHRIS: My favorite is the multiplayered sentence.
So if I were to say Rick Perry is a syphit willic [BEEP] to I wouldn't trust to feed women --
CONAN: So you swear off.
It's not like he could ignore this.
What was his reaction?
CHRIS: His reaction was about a couple of days later, he said, well, I guess the football player refering to Brandon, I guess the football player has the right to his opinion and I have the right to mine.
That was about it.
Then he shut up after that.
A month later, I got an official condemnation thanking me for the work in advancing quality.
CONAN: Oh, that's terrific.
What about the NFL?
CHRIS: They pretty much just left me alone.
As long as you're not out shooting people, they're --
CONAN: It is like you've got a pretty easy bar to clear there.
CHRIS: It's not hard.