1. Clueless Gamer: PC Horror Game Edition

Clueless Gamer: PC Horror Game Edition

Conan gets into the spooky Halloween spirit by playing "Slender," "Amnesia," & "Outlast" in total darkness.

  • Related GIF: This is not an in-your-face-action game. Conan O'Brien and Aaron Bleyaert play Slender.
  • Transcript:

    CONAN: Hey, Conan O'Brien here with a Halloween edition of "clueless gamer."
    Today I'm going to play and rate some scary games.
    Here to help me as always is my friend Aaron Bleyaert.
    Hey, Aaron.
    Hello, how's it going?
    CONAN: Don't ask if you don't care.
    What are we doing?
    Aaron: We're going to play some scary games for Halloween.
    But the scariest games are on the computer.
    To do this, I thought it would be fun to shut off all the lights.
    It should be a truly mersive.
    CONAN: Did you mean mersive or immersive.
    It's going to get really, really scary.
    Aaron: It's going to be scary because we're play in the dark.
    CONAN: That's all you had to say.
    OK.
    Let's play.
    What's this game called?
    Aaron: The first game we're going play is "slender."
    CONAN: But it doesn't sound scary.
    Aaron: It's about slender.
    And it's a man who is a tall slender man who chases you through the forest.
    CONAN: I'm very tall and slender.
    We're near a pine grove.
    They used to chase me through the woods.
    Whenever I would take his yogurt.
    Aaron: You're going to want to --
    CONAN: Don't talk to me like I'm really stupid.
    Aaron: The w moves you forward.
    CONAN: Oher I hate -- oh, I hate this.
    What means forward?
    W.
    What moves you back?
    B, b, b, back.
    I'm looking around.
    This is actually kind of cool.
    Aaron: We're just trying to collect eight pages.
    You see the slender man, turn the other way and run.
    CONAN: Why do I fear the slender man?
    Aaron: He could kill you.
    CONAN: So the game is biased over men who have control of their caloric intake.
    That's not running.
    This is called running.
    This guy is fat.
    No wonder he's the slender man.
    This is not an in your face action game, I have to tell you.
    Aaron: No, are you scared right now?
    CONAN: I would say if boar Dom counts as scared, if Bordon counts as the -- boar Dom then it counts as the opposite.
    Is this a European game?
    Is it a European game?
    Because Europeans man they blow sometimes.
    [Laughter]
    Aaron: This is an old foxtail, the slender man.
    What's scary about him.
    He is slender.
    What does he do to children?
    Aaron: He takes away their chestnuts.
    The chestnuts, they get on hookie granny day.
    Look at that, that's a scroggie.
    Oh, there he is!
    What do I do?
    Aaron: Run away.
    CONAN: You killed him.
    What were the special effects?
    Aaron: There are no special effects.
    CONAN: Who made this game.
    Aaron: I mean, some guy made the game.
    CONAN: Yeah, I know.
    I wish he had teamed up with one other guy.
    OK.
    What are we playing next?
    Aaron: So we have a poll and fans voted and this game won, it's called "amnesia the dark decent."
    So this game is 1839.
    You find yourself in an old Prussian castle.
    You have no memory.
    CONAN: I have amnesia.
    My name is Daniel and I'm in Prussia.
    The first thing they ask you what year is it?
    What's your name?
    Where are you?
    And if you can answer those you don't have amnesia.
    Aaron: So basically you were this dude henchman guy and you tortured all these people.
    CONAN: I was a dude henchman guy.
    Did you go to college?
    Did you go to college and graduate?
    Aaron: Yeah.
    CONAN: You were a dude henchman guy.
    I'm glad you didn't write the first page of "Moby-Dick." Dude, I'm an Ishmael guy.
    What's that guy?
    Aaron: You want to stay away from him.
    CONAN: Ah, look at his mouth!
    That's scary!
    Finally something happened!
    Ah!
    Go, go, go!
    Ah!
    Ah!
    What game is this?
    Aaron: "Outlast."
    Brand-new.
    Pretty freaky.
    You play a reporter who's gone into this asylum to document it using the video camera.
    So now we're trying to make our way out of the asylum.
    CONAN: Oh!
    Who is this guy?
    Aaron: We don't know just some crazy inmate.
    CONAN: I'm a little scared.
    Mostly -- I'm pretty sure that's lead paint on the wall.
    One chip.
    That is a toxin.
    I went summer camp like this.
    I swear to God this is exactly like the camp I went to in New Hampshire.
    You know what, I'm going to guess he's not going to make it.
    Aaron: We're going to climb up in that vent.
    There we go.
    CONAN: You know what this looks like?
    Exactly like my colonoscopy footage.
    There's the polyp.
    Oh!
    Aaron: Go to that door!
    Quick!
    Quick!
    Quick!
    Now we're just in the corner.
    CONAN: Who's steering?
    Aaron: You're steering!
    Ah!
    CONAN: All right.
    Go this way you guys!
    Dumb waiter get in there!
    Aaron: Good job.
    CONAN: That was great!
    That was really -- ah!
    Who's that?
    Aaron: This is the evil man doctor.
    CONAN: What is his specialty?
    Aaron: He collects body parts.
    CONAN: Why doesn't he wear pants?
    That's a weird look.
    That's not sanitary.
    Keeping that blade in a urinal.
    Aaron: Oh!
    CONAN: What's he doing?
    Aaron: He's cutting up one of our fingers.
    CONAN: No!
    Don't do that!
    Owe!
    Look at -- you know what, that finger I don't use a lot.
    When life gives you lemons you make a lemonade.
    Aaron: Now we're going to try to escape from this doctor.
    CONAN: Let's get away from the doctor.
    Aaron: Oh, oh, oh, nope, that's blocked.
    Let's just hide under a bed.
    CONAN: I think it's too late for that.
    Ah!
    No!
    No!
    No!
    No!
    Once you're in a room with him and he sees you, you can't just crawl under a bed.
    He sees you!
    Just kill him.
    I'm tired of this guy.
    Doctor with no pants.
    I don't mind that he has no flesh or that he's a murder but put some pants on for God sakes.
    How do I get him?
    Yeah!
    Yeah!
    Ah!
    Go, go, go!
    Wait!
    Wait!
    Ahhh!
    [APPLAUSE]
    We killed him.
    Oh, that's not the view I wanted.
    Look at this.
    Now we're making German porn.
    Oh!
    Oh!
    Oh!
    Oh!
    You know what, this is a scary game.
    [Laughter]
    That's the scariest thing I've ever seen.
    Aaron: How would you rate these games?
    CONAN: Slender man I don't understand.
    Slender man, it's a walk in the woods.
    And then you see a rather physically fit, trim guy and then the lights go out.
    No, not having it.
    Aaron: Amnesia"?
    CONAN: Forgettable.
    Aaron: "Outlast"?
    CONAN: "Outlast" is fantastic.
    On a scale -- this is Halloween.
    So if bad is this reaction.
    And really good is ah!
    Ahh!
    I would give "Outlast" a ahh huh ooh oh.
    [Cheers and applause]
    CONAN: That's pretty good.